


Circles in Circles

by Sugar_and_Salt



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Polyamory, Suicidal Themes, Violence, alternative universe, and mentions of drugs, except for the suicidal part, lots of death tbh, oh and there's depression, this all sounds worse than it is promise, very vague sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 20:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugar_and_Salt/pseuds/Sugar_and_Salt
Summary: One sunny day, Kyungsoo swallows a handful of pills, curls up on his bed and dies. That's not the end though, it's merely another beginning.





	Circles in Circles

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on prompt [#144](https://exot3plus.tumblr.com/post/157318646609/prompt-114-claimed-trigger) from the exot3+fest.
> 
> It means a LOT to me, and I realize it might hit on a couple sensitive topics. I'll give a TW for suicidal themes & the death of underaged people here.
> 
> If you ever find my prompter, I'd be super grateful~  
> As always, this fic was beta'd by texturedjeans, and I was so insecure that I didn't dare showing it to anyone else *haha*
> 
> Love,  
> Sugar_and_Salt ♡
> 
>  P.S.: If you'd like a teaser/drabble, [click me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12778659/chapters/29158665)~

 

When she opened her eyes, the world looked different. As if there were way more dust particles all highlighted by the golden sun of the late afternoon.

It's pretty, she thought. Then she remembered the crash.

"Hello and welcome to the post-decease phase! I'm here to guide you from here on!"

She flinched and turned around to be faced with a pair of warm, but unnaturally turquoise eyes seeking hers. The young, bubbly man saluted with a smile.

"I'm Park Chanyeol, and I regret to inform you that you have died."

He didn't look all that regretful. She blinked. Wait.

"I... I died?"

She looked down into a puddle of blood that reflected the golden sunlight in an almost tantalizing way. The crash, right. She had died? Just like that? No one was able to save her?

She was... dead?

Another person stepped into focus, placing a warm hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, you're taking this great," the second person said softly, and yes, this was strangely reassuring. She was dead, but she was also not alone. "This is not the end. You'll move on any second, and from there on, things will get better."

"Don't think too much," said a third person, and this was really confusing, but also an effective distraction. "It'll all happen before you know it - not unlike the crash just now-"

"Baekhyun, _please_ ," the second person complained, and then Park Chanyeol inched closer, reaching for something in the air, something invisible to her. It looked like he was putting out an invisible candle flame with his thumb and pointer finger. And then everything turned white as her conscious was forcefully pushed on.

 

 

The three reapers made their way home after that, carelessly stepping through the blood as they argued about their different ways of approaching deceased humans. The tallest, Chanyeol, was looking down at his little pocket watch. It had stopped ticking when the girl's heart stopped for good, and after separating her soul from the body, the clock face turned into a solid silver, a hull to take off, which he did, to reveal another person's time beneath it.

The imprint of the clock was exceptionally pretty, so he tossed it over to the second reaper, Jongdae, who caught it with a surprised sound, before thanking him. The third reaper started complaining about Chanyeol playing favourites, they bickered and laughed and moved on. Neither of them noticed that in Jongdae's pocket, another watch had stopped ticking awhile ago.

  


* * *

 

 

 

With a sudden, hard pressure, air was squeezed into his lungs and Do Kyungsoo awoke, feeling slightly nauseous.

_I survived._

That was his first thought, written in spaced out letters over the vast void of his mind.

_I survived._

He should be disappointed, and he was. But there was also a hot wave of relief battling the cold, bitter realization. This was strange. He should really be disappointed. He'd taken the pills without a doubt. This was not a case of suicide in order to gain anything, to prove anything.

He had genuinely wanted to end this.

And still, the expected desperation wouldn't want to settle in. The all-too familiar, heavy feeling that he'd come to associate with being awake... was gone.

"You've made it!"

What a deep voice. Who...?

Kyungsoo finally opened his eyes, to look into the unnaturally turquoise eyes of a young man crouching in front of the bed he had curled himself up on. They were still in the neglected, pitiful mess he called his apartment, and the sun still shone brightly through the slants of his blinds. He had mostly pulled them closer after a last, long look at the world outside. It had seemed appropriate.

Kyungsoo sat up almost leisurely, as he still felt groggy.

"How did you get into my apartment?"

The other chuckled, as if this was a completely unnecessary question and sat down next to him. It wasn't, to Kyungsoo. He wanted to kick this guy out and take more pills. Or maybe sit down and think; he was just so confused right now.

"You have interesting priorities," the guy said cheerily, before his expression softened. "Anyway. I'm here to inform you that you have passed away. Your life on earth is over, and I will guide you from here onwards."

What?

"I... did it? I'm dead?"

Rather than waiting for an answer, he looked around himself, and indeed, there he was. Curled up on his bed, looking more peaceful than he'd ever felt. It was weird, seeing himself. Kyungsoo had never seen a dead person either. Movies told him it looked like one was sleeping, but seeing it now, he had to disagree. There was a clear difference between an actor lying down and closing their eyes and a dead person.

His stomach lurched uncomfortably.

He was dead.

"I didn't expect there to be anything else after this," Kyungsoo muttered, his eyes still drawn to Do Kyungsoo, the stupid, worthless guy who had decided that not being in this world was what he craved the most.

"Then this is a positive surprise, eh?" the other suggested with a pat to his shoulder.

"I just tried to, no, I just _succeeded_ in killing myself," Kyungsoo said, mind running on autopilot. "And you're telling me the prospect of an afterlife should make me happy?"

The other snorted, but quickly caught himself.

"You're right of course. But try to trust me, this one will be better. You should already start to feel better - humans leave a lot of baggage in their bodies when they leave- oh my."

Kyungsoo finally tore his gaze away from himself, to look at the strange guy. He was way taller than him, and currently looking at him with furrowed brows. Not into his eyes, but lower...

Kyungsoo's fingers flew up instinctively, only to run right through the glowing ribbon loosely tied around his throat. There were two of them, one shining in strangely bright, but not blinding way, while the other was darker. The closer he looked, the grainier it appeared to be, and the patterns seemed to move lazily. He didn't like the sight of it at all.

"What are those?" he asked, fingers still trying to touch them when the stranger carefully reached for his wrist to hold it away. Kyungsoo only allowed it because this person obviously knew more than he did. Or maybe he didn't, for he still looked confused.

"It's your connection to your body. It takes awhile to manifest, but I sever it, and then you can move on. I have never seen a thing like this though..."

He reached out tentatively, forefinger and thumb touching the grainy string, gingerly pushing down, until the string was severed. Kyungsoo felt it, somewhere inside him, a sharp tug in his lungs.

"There we go," the other mumbled lowly, as he reached out to do the same to the second ribbon. He touched it, pressed down... and nothing happened.

"Huh?"

A couple seconds passed, in which Kyungsoo fleetingly asked himself whether time was still an issue for him at this point, and the guy who had just asked him not to worry seemed a little worried himself.

"This is really strange. I'm sorry, I look horribly unprofessional right now-"

He let go of Kyungsoo's wrist to reach into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out an old-fashioned pocket watch. His eyes widened, but before Kyungsoo could sneak a glance at the incriminating object, it had already vanished into the hoodie's pocket again. The stranger got to his feet, offering his hand.

"I think I need a bit of support in your case. How about you accompany me? We shouldn't linger around here for much longer."

Kyungsoo may look like a very stubborn person who refuses to be tugged around without an explanation, and maybe he had once been like that. For the past year, however, all of this had been drained to the point where he wasn't sure whether he cared about anything at all. Now he felt empty, and still confused. There really was not much else he could do, and while a morbid side of him was curious about who would find him like that, he followed the guy, craning his neck to look back at his dead self for a last, long moment.

 

He was led out of their house, through various streets, and for the most part, nothing suggested his death. Maybe this was all an elaborate, stupid dream, a hazy hallucination called forth by the pills he'd swallowed. The late afternoon sun dipped everything in golden light that reflected off the panes of metal and glass. People were bustling around. No one spared him a glance. It was like nothing had ever happened, really. The only indication suggesting otherwise was the fact that no one seemed to pay any heed to the guy tugging him around either. He was quite handsome, and while Kyungsoo was cynical enough to believe that people were ignorant enough to not even notice that, he was also really tall. Everybody noticed tall people, if only unconsciously. But no, no matter how closely they passed by people, they didn't even flinch.

Being truly invisible was both freeing and depressing.

He tried not to think about any of this too much. It didn't matter. It hadn't mattered before and it didn't matter now. There was an afterlife and he'd move on. Leave this place. Whether he regretted this or not was equally irrelevant. There was nothing he could do about it.

They reached an abandoned-looking and quite run-down apartment complex. On any other occasion, this would scream of stranger danger, but that was obviously lost on Kyungsoo, who would probably welcome someone killing him for good.

All the while he had busied himself observing the way the last sunrays made the rich, wine-colored hair of his guide gleam. He came to a slow stop, however, as the guy walked straight into and through the apartment's rickety sliding doors, Kyungsoo's hand sliding out of his loose grip in the process. A little dumbfounded and hesitant, Kyungsoo stared at the doors. Of course they wouldn't open for him, he was invisible now.

The redhead came back, looking confused, before realization spread across his features, and he stepped out to slip behind Kyungsoo, gently grasping his upper arms. It was way too intimate a gesture - when was the last time someone had been so close to him?

"It will be alright, come on."

With this, he literally guided Kyungsoo along, who closed his eyes, dearly hoping he wouldn't crash into solid glass. The air changed, and when he opened his eyes, they stood in a dusty entrance area.

"See? It's really easy."

The other didn't seem to mind doing all the talking. Kyungsoo just followed him up the stairs, and by the time they had reached what felt like the 6th floor, he was exhausted, while the other appeared to be completely unfazed. Where did he take all the air? Did he even breathe?

 

Kyungsoo wasn't sure what he had expected, but entering a regular apartment, only to find two guys cuddling on a couch under a blanket certainly wasn't it. One of them lowered the book he'd been reading and smiled widely.

"Yeol, you're- who's that?" he cut himself off as his eyes found Kyungsoo, who was half-hidden behind the tall redhead.

At the alarmed tone, the guy whose limbs were probably tangled together with the book-reader, lifted his head to lazily look up at them. The tired look vanished like a blown-out candle.

"What the hell?"

With a rustling sound, he sat up abruptly, looking ruffled, but just as alarmed as the other, and almost... angry?

"What happened? Is he a new one?"

"No, I- I don't know. It wasn't my fault-" the redhead began, and while the angry one was looking at his guide with his arms crossed, the other one placed his book down and looked at Kyungsoo instead, patting the space next to him on the couch.

Kyungsoo shrugged, trying to convey that he was good, but the other frowned at this, patting the couch once more. His eyes had the same color as the redhead's, he could tell it even from the end of the room. Unlike his self-proclaimed guide, though, this guy was obviously shorter, almost scrawny-looking in comparison, with chestnut brown hair. If not for his eye color, he would have looked completely normal. He certainly looked like a friendly person. For some reason, he found it hard not to follow his invitation, and with a sigh, he relented and walked over to him, sitting down in between him and the angry-looking one. It wasn't like he had any other place to be right now.

Still, it was really surreal, sitting on the warm blanket, thighs touching the friendly guy to his right, while he felt his lover (at least he assumed they were lovers) wriggle to his left. Everything felt warm and alive.

A palm came to a light rest on his knee, just as the ongoing conversation trickled back into Kyungsoo's focus.

"I tried it again and again but it wouldn't work and now the string vanished!" the redhead was just saying, sounding more like a petulant child than anything.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

It seemed like the friendly guy hadn't been paying attention either, and the redhead groaned.

"Jongdae!" he whined, drawing out the last syllable, "I'm serious! What are we supposed to do?"

"Just sit down and stop panicking. He's obviously not going anywhere, so calm down. We'll solve this. Sorry for the inconvenience," he said, the last part directed at Kyungsoo, "we're not usually like this."

"Yeah right," the moody boy said, unceremoniously reaching out to touch Kyungsoo's throat, whose reaction came naturally. He slapped his hand away.

"Rude, Baek," the redhead offered, as if anyone needed a reminder in this regard. "You haven't even introduced yourself and just started grabbing people without permission. Really-"

"Who _are_ you guys even?" Kyungsoo burst out, having had enough of this. "Can any of you please tell me what the fuck is going on?!"

"Of course!" the brunet quickly offered, gesturing for the redhead to settle down, which he did, on the carpet across from them.

"The three of us are what you humans would call reapers," he explained patiently, and Kyungsoo didn't even notice that his hand was still resting on his knee. "Whenever someone dies an unnatural death, one of us has to sever the connection between body and soul, so they can move on. I'm Jongdae, this is Chanyeol..."

He pointed at the tall redhead on the floor, who still looked sheepish.

"...and this is Baekhyun," he ended, and Kyungsoo regarded the grumpy boy to his left. He looked about their age, but his eyes were of a clear grey; not unlike his messy, silver hair.

"And something about me is giving you trouble sending me to the afterlife or something?" he asked, impatience masking how vulnerable he felt right now. Was he really so messed up that even reapers didn't know what to do with him?

"It's probably not you, it's just-" the reaper named Chanyeol began, when the friendly guy _jumped_ to his feet, to everyone's shock.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed, making a beeline for a shelf near the door, where he snatched something, before literally falling to his knees at Kyungsoo's side, looking up at him.

"Did you know Park Jinho?" he asked, showing him something that looked like a stoney imprint of a pocket watch. Kyungsoo shook his head, and Jongdae handed it over to point at a small writing at the bottom, where the name was written down. Kyungsoo traced the stony letters with his thumb. Park Jinho.

Still, he could only shake his head.

"Never heard of him. Who is that?"

Jongdae seemed disappointed, and slumped down. Redhead Chanyeol placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"A guy who committed suicide over a year ago. He hanged himself one night from a peach tree behind a local high school..."

Kyungsoo suddenly felt very cold.

"The one by the river?"

"Yeah... how did you know?"

"I found that peach tree one day," Kyungsoo half-whispered, not meeting any of their eyes. "I remember feeling strange, but didn't think anything into it. I just remember because the tree was so stunning and felt so weird looking at it."

Heavy silence fell over them all, as Kyungsoo tried to comprehend the implications.

"We didn't reap his soul," Jongdae admitted quietly. "There were two clocks ticking simultaneously and we didn't realize that until much later..."

"Maybe that was the thing you severed, Yeol," Baekhyun spoke up in a flat tone betraying no emotions. "The old, festered soul that clung to him."

"B-but- what about _his_ soul?" Chanyeol spoke up, big, worried eyes trained on Kyungsoo, who was busy just taking in the new information.

"I don't know, maybe you can only sever one soul per stopped watch?" Baekhyun asked defensively, crossing his arms, "How am I supposed to know?"

Chanyeol reached inside his hoodie to pull out the pocket watch from earlier, presenting it to them with a torn expression. The other two audibly sucked in a breath, and Kyungsoo leaned forwards a bit to see that this particular watch had stopped... and was cracked.

"I think it's broken?" Chanyeol more asked than stated, and Kyungsoo didn't really know what was so special about this watch, but couldn't find the heart to care, not with what Baekhyun had just said.

"This... old, dead soul had been clinging to me? What does that mean?" he asked, trying to sound calm and not betraying his lingering suspicions. The grimace on the reaper's faces answered most of it already. Kyungsoo didn't like it.

"You committed suicide, yeah?" the silver-haired reaper finally said, with the other two just stalling time. Kyungsoo nodded.

"Depression, huh?"

He said it so bluntly, so without any accusation, pity, or spite. Kyungsoo nodded again, unsure of what to feel.

"Have you always been like that?"

"N-no," Kyungsoo began defensively, dropping his gaze from the unrelenting, steely grey orbs. "It began... I don't know, maybe somewhere around last year-"

"In Spring," Baekhyun ended, matter-of-factly. "There, you got your answer."

"Baekhyun," Jongdae said in a reprimanding tone, attempting to touch Kyungsoo again, but he swatted at his hand this time.

They were telling him that his depression had been caused by a dead soul clinging to him.

A dead soul _they_ forgot to reap.

Which meant that all of his suffering... was a lie. It hadn't been real, not really. Everything he'd felt had been unnatural. This dead soul had pulled him along into the abyss.

"So you're telling me," he began quietly, voice just barely controlled, "that I lost my life because of a mistake you made."

"Well-" Chanyeol began, but trailed off immediately after.

"We're sorry," Jongdae said.

"How am I supposed to react to this? Just forgive you?" Kyungsoo asked, and it was a shockingly genuine question. Anger was starting to bubble up, but he was also so very confused.

"What's done is done," Baekhyun said and _shrugged_ , "let's just think of a way to fix this and-"

"You indirectly **killed** me!" Kyungsoo yelled, jumping to his feet to seethe at the blasé-looking reaper. "Easy for you to move on, since you're a fucking reaper - what do you know?! I only had one fucking life and thanks to you making a mistake, I- _fuck_!"

Baekhyun's nose twitched, but he didn't seem remorseful in the least.

His head hurt.

Chanyeol had shirked away at his outburst, while Jongdae hesitantly got to his feet.

"You have every right to be angry, and we won't-" he began, but Kyungsoo flung the little stone plate across the room, where it hit a wall and bounced off with a dissatisfying, dull sound.

"Fuck you!" he yelled heatedly. "You have no idea what this means to me, what I had to go through because of this, and what I've done- this is- I-"

He felt his eyes burning, from the bottled up emotions fighting for dominance. Anger, despair, and the slowly growing fear that realization brought. In a flash, he left the room, the apartment, and rushed unsteadily down the stairs two at a time, as fast as he could.

No one came after him.

Not when he left the apartment and stumbled into the sudden summer rain. He hated the rain for mocking him right now. His old self would have reveled in melancholy, and he hated the fact that he was aware of that, too. It hadn't been like him, to just drown. He'd always known how to swim, until some day someone had tied an invisible, heavy weight to his feet and arms. Then he had slowly, pitifully drowned over the course of a year.

He jogged through the streets, pausing whenever his lungs and legs burned too much to run. Why did he even feel like this? He was dead, his body shouldn't ache so much. He came to a slow halt, panting heavily as he looked around the busy shopping street full of people seeking shelter, pressed to the walls. No one minded the young man standing in the pouring rain without shoes, hair plastered to his face, drenched from head to toe.

A single, lone man sprinted past him, just close enough to graze him, and no impact followed.

And just like that, he broke down, and his knees knocked into the pavement. He could feel the water seeping through the fabric of his pants, could see it. He felt so alive, goddamnit.

He stretched out a shaky palm to touch the coarse surface of a puddle. He could feel the surface break. He felt alive. But he wasn't. He was fucking dead, and he shouldn't be.

He balled his hand into a fist before slamming his palm into the puddle, right against the muddy, dirty ground.

He was not alive anymore.

Hot tears welled up. The anger was still there, but the true weight of his realization compressed all his feelings, balling them up into something tight and foreign. All these feelings were not new, not even forgotten, but felt so different now. Just a few hours earlier, he'd been completely empty. Drained of the power to fight. Just living had been such a pain. No one had been making his life hard, it had all been Kyungsoo's fault, all along. Because Kyungsoo didn't feel anything for anyone, because he had no ambition or drive, nothing to peel himself out of bed in the mornings, and nothing to keep him from slipping under the covers before the sun set. Because he had watched the world around him slowly, but surely, give up on him - without even bothering to raise a finger to try and keep them close. He had just watched. He'd just been an ass, until his brother stopped bothering, until his parents stopped texting, until his friends stopped talking. It all ran through his head like a movie - a movie he only heard the commentary of, without seeing. Now the pictures were crystal clear, and it wasn't at all what he had assumed it to be.

Because _now_ \- now the pressing headache was gone, leaving behind nothing but the emptiness that had been Kyungsoo's life, right up until the moment he'd decided to take the pills. It was hardly a life he'd left behind. It was more of an empty room. What had possessed him to throw out everything he'd cherished? Memories, people, dreams - just like that, he'd thrown out every single thing that defined his life. There had been nothing left but blank walls, and Kyungsoo felt like that was for the best, had thought it would be easiest to slip away without hurting anyone.

And maybe many, many people weren't sad about him not being around anymore. He had wanted that. Now the thought was terrifying. He would never be able to interact with his brother anymore, would never hug his mother anymore, and they probably would not miss that. They'd think of the shell Kyungsoo had been right before he died. Maybe they'd be sad or accuse themselves of possible wrongdoings, but deep down, they'd think it was meant to be. That Kyungsoo was just not cut out for any of this.

 

A few hours earlier, Kyungsoo had thought that wanting to be loved or remembered was just driven by the urge to be worth something, but screw all those thoughts he'd arrogantly thought were deep - right now, he just wanted to run to his brother, hug him and tell him he'd fucked up. Ask him for help. But his brother wouldn't ever look at him again.

All the hurt, all the tears, all the headaches... they had all been for nothing. A mistake. A stupid fucking joke of fate. Just because some idiots had fucked up, everything had been taken from him, by his own mind. It had felt like torture, his own mind slowly consuming him, eating away at everything he was, until he went out to buy pills and swallow them all at once.

_He was dead._

Kyungsoo clutched his knees, then his upper arms, clawing, scratching at the material, trying to keep something together that had been contained for a long, long time - himself.

He wanted to puke.

No going back. No return. It was over.

 

Just like that, he lay there, in the cold dirt, curled up in the middle of a busy city, but no one was around to witness it. He was truly alone now. _Forever_.

It wasn't a joke, no cheesy line in a movie. His time had stopped for good.

 

Forever, a time span infinitely longer than the life he'd had.

 

He cried and cried, possibly harder than he had in a long time. He cried until he felt a pulsing headache, so similar and yet entirely different. He cried until he felt as miserable as he had in his dark times, face turning blotchy with hot tears and soaked by merciless rain.

Now there was truly no place for him anymore.

 

 

 

"Hey. Do Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo."

The rain was still pattering down on him as Jongdae gently woke him up. Kyungsoo wanted to swat at him, tell him to get out of his sight. But Jongdae kept telling him that he couldn't just sleep like this, that his body was still vulnerable from the change. Kyungsoo told himself he didn't care. He told himself he could just sneak into some hotel and sleep in an empty room, if he wanted comfort. Jongdae argued that they could only try to help him when he was around. Kyungsoo thought that he could always go and find them, if he'd ever get over his current anger.

But Jongdae tugged at him, and Kyungsoo relented.

Because deep down, Kyungsoo didn't want to be alone anymore.

 

* * *

  


Kyungsoo awoke to white light filtering inside the room unbothered. They hadn't pulled the curtains closed. It didn't bother him.

He turned on the soft mattress, pressing his face into a blissfully cool side of his cushion, as his consciousness slowly roused. He was alone in this guest room, to his relief. The night before, Jongdae had unceremoniously climbed into bed with him, holding him from behind until they both drifted off. He hadn't paid any heed to Kyungsoo's drenched form, and didn't seem to get wet himself, making him a warm, dry comfort. Kyungsoo had allowed it, had clung to him even. But waking up to him now would be really awkward. The second thing he noticed were the soft voices coming from another room. Kyungsoo closed his eyes to count the voices. Three. They were all there. He couldn't hear what they were talking about, but they were clearly not fighting. And why would they - he may only be here due to their mistake, but he was just a human. Nothing a reaper should take to heart. If reapers had hearts.

Kyungsoo grimaced and twisted to reach another, fresh and cooling spot on the cushion.

He felt disgusting. All the dried rainwater and sweat made him feel sticky and overall dirty. Not to mention that his face still felt a little blotchy.

But would he get up and face the other three, possibly even ask to use their shower?

No way.

With this determined thought in mind, Kyungsoo tugged the blanket over his head and turned away from the door.

 

* * *

 

 

The door to the guest room opened relatively soundlessly, Kyungsoo noticed dully, as he hesitantly padded down the narrow corridor in search of a bathroom. It had turned silent what felt like hours ago. They had probably ventured out to do reaper work or something. Kyungsoo was determined to just take a quick shower and leave when a voice made him jump.

"Second door on the right. You want me to get you some clothes to change into?"

It was his self-proclaimed guide, Chanyeol, who stood in the doorway of the living room, wearing a hesitant smile. At least it wasn't Jongdae, or, god forbid, Baekhyun. Chanyeol seemed harmless enough and while Kyungsoo was angry and owed him an apology (a bad combination, but it was true), he had at least not cuddled with him the night before.

The other was still looking at him questioningly, and Kyungsoo shrugged. It seemed to suffice as an answer, because Chanyeol's grin got a little wider, though no less awkward.

"Just go ahead. The towels are beneath the sink. I'll leave the clothes in the bathroom."

 

When Kyungsoo stepped out of the shower (during which he mostly tried to bend his mind around how a dead person like him could even shower in the first place), he found two sets of clothing resting on the toilet lid. One consisted of jeans and a thick hoodie, the other of soft pajama pants and a T-shirt. He stared at them for awhile, thinking carefully. Finally, he reached for the pajama pants.

 

Chanyeol looked up from his book when Kyungsoo entered the living room with a towel around his shoulders and wordlessly scooted over to make room for him on the couch. Kyungsoo sat down, and threw a side glance at what looked like a fantasy novel.

"You're all bookworms, huh?" he asked quietly. A terrible conversation starter, but still better than silence.

"Baekhyun isn't," Chanyeol protested lightly, as he tugged a bookmark inside to place the book on a small table, "but Jongdae and I really like them."

Hah, of course Baekhyun wouldn't read. He didn't look like someone who did, Kyungsoo thought with a quiet huff that went unnoticed by Chanyeol, who had picked up the remote control and switched on the TV and what looked like a Blu-ray player.

"You like detective stories?" he asked with a side glance, and Kyungsoo shrugged. He wasn't about to get demanding, now that Chanyeol attempted to make things less awkward. The other happily booted the last disk the player had played, which turned out to be a TV series about Sherlock Holmes. He was fine with that.

"I can't believe reapers watch human TV series," Kyungsoo mumbled after the intro of what was clearly not the first episode. The way Chanyeol reacted to him told him that the other had watched the series numerous times already, because he was quick to pay him attention.

"Baekhyun set it all up. You sure you wanna hear about the mechanics of being a reaper?"

It was a serious question, so Kyungsoo thought about it. To be honest, he still felt very much burnt out and didn't want to think anything at all. So he replied with a non-committal "Maybe later", and they both sat back to watch the series. Chanyeol seemed more enraptured than him, despite him obviously knowing the plot. Kyungsoo mostly stared at the screen, mind wiped blank. At some point, a palm landed on his knee and he flinched, though not as much as Chanyeol himself, who quickly withdrew his hand.

"S-sorry," he muttered, sheepishly rubbing his thighs. "I just wanted to- I'm not as good as Jongdae with stuff like this. Just. Let's pretend this never happened."

He busied himself by tugging the woolen blanket off the couch's back and spreading it over both of them. Kyungsoo watched him, trying to decipher what exactly he felt. This was a stranger, really, and he didn't seem to know how to handle humans. He was still conflicted about... everything, really, but this guy wanted to comfort him, despite looking like a fool while doing so. Kyungsoo liked the idea of comfort, and he was also still exhausted, so he waited until Chanyeol had stopped fidgeting to unceremoniously drop his head on the reaper's shoulders. The other tensed, but relaxed quickly after, and made no move to distance himself. _Good_ , Kyungsoo thought sleepily as he closed his eyes to drift off to the voices of the actors. This was actually rather comfy, and Chanyeol's skin was radiating warmth. Kyungsoo discreetly pressed closer. Like this, he didn't _feel_ all that dead.

 

When he woke up hours later, dawn had fallen and he was alone on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket. The others seemed to have gone to bed already.

For a long time, Kyungsoo stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. He lay there until he came to a conclusion. Then he got up, orderly folded the blanket and went back to the guest room.

 

* * *

 

 

He had assumed things would be awkward the next few days, but was positively surprised. He crawled out of bed to join the other three at the breakfast table, and not even Baekhyun made a snarky comment. There was simply no other place to be for Kyungsoo, and Jongdae had been right - if they were to ever find a solution regarding Kyungsoo's state, he should stay close to them. He also knew that there was no point holding his grudge against them any further. Yes, they were responsible for his death, but Kyungsoo had been one slip up in what was probably hundreds and hundreds of successful cases. Accidents happened. He surprised himself, how easily he came to terms with that part, but maybe it helped that his mind felt so clear now. Depressed him would have reacted differently, but as of now, he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was surrounded by three people who hadn’t meant for any of this to happen - though Baekhyun was a debatable case - and his logical side won. Or maybe his loneliness did. Either way, he was ashamed of his emotional outburst, but by far not enough to apologize. It had been justified. For now, he didn’t bring the topic up, and neither did they.

Upon being around them, Kyungsoo found out that reapers didn't need any food, but that they found the taste interesting. Especially Baekhyun seemed determined not to attempt starting the day without a morning coffee.

After that, they usually ventured out to go about their days, fulfilling reaping duties. Kyungsoo stayed back in the apartment, reading books, watching TV... until that got boring and he walked around the city, though he didn't even consider seeking out his family. He was perfectly aware that he wasn't ready for that.

It was easier to feel alive when there were no people around, but staying cooped up for too long didn't do his mind any good, either. It was fascinating, how he could feel that now. Before his death, he'd sought nothing but solitude, and being around other people didn't bring him any joy at all.

Sometimes, one of the reapers had a day off and chose to keep him company. He'd talk to Jongdae about books, comparing and analyzing whatever book Jongdae was currently reading; he cooked simple meals with Chanyeol (who was interested and focused, but lacked any intuition or patience), and even played video games with Baekhyun, who was the type of sore loser that would make up ridiculous excuses for losing.

And while all of that was nice - being around them, getting to know them a little more... they were very busy. The third week he spent completely alone, only occasionally hearing the shower run or people talking silently in the bedroom.

To be very honest, Kyungsoo didn't want to rush them and demand they send him wherever dead souls ought to go to. It would feel like dying all over again, and he didn't want to let go so soon already. Whatever he had right now, he was determined to explore it and only move on when he was sure he wanted to. But even if he were determined to move on, not even he had the heart to bother the reapers when they returned, looking drained and tired, and just heaving themselves to bed.  
People committed suicide around the clock, it turned out. He'd known that, but never really thought about the sheer number - and while there were other forms of unnatural deaths, suicides seemed to dominate by far. Somewhere, someone was driven over the edge in the middle of the night, while others coldly planned it ahead, like Kyungsoo had, leaving the world unbothered by broad daylight. There were apparently other reapers assigned to certain city districts, but the three were still more than busy.

Which meant that Kyungsoo was starting to get bored.

It was a rainy Thursday night, and he was just about to retire for the day when Jongdae returned, looking perfectly unaffected by the rain, but tired. His face lit up just a little when he saw Kyungsoo unsurely lingering in the doorway of his room.

"Hey. You were about to sleep?"

Kyungsoo half-nodded, half-shrugged.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm not really tired, so-"

"Oh no, don't mind me, you don't have to stay up for me," Jongdae quickly reassured him. Kyungsoo refused to show any disappointment, and with a murmured "Okay. Good night then," he went to bed. As it turned out, his disappointment was premature, because a mere minute later, a stream of light filtered into his room and died down again, just for Jongdae to crawl under the covers beside him. Kyungsoo was... a little shocked, mostly surprised, but he'd be a liar to say he minded. The bed was a double bed, with plenty of space. This wasn't intimate, like the first night they'd been huddled up together. This was a harmless sleepover. At least that's what he told his confused, slightly faster thumping heart.

Either way, he didn't complain, and gave the other some time to settle.

"So... is this alright?" Kyungsoo finally asked, staring at the vaguely illuminated ceiling.

"Yep, I'm rather comfy," came the content reply, and he couldn't help a small grin.

"No, I mean won't your partner get jealous?" he clarified.

"Which one?" Jongdae asked guilelessly.

"Fine, your lover."

"But which one?" Jongdae asked again, sounding more amused than annoyed, and Kyungsoo paused to think.

"Baekhyun? I thought you two were a thing," he stated hesitantly. Jongdae didn't tease him, and instead provided an easy reply.

"Oh, we are. All three of us are."

Oh.

Kyungsoo felt like an idiot for being surprised. All three of them seemed to be touchy and comfortable around each other, and they did sleep in the same room. Still, he'd only caught Baekhyun and Jongdae do something that would indicate anything other than close friendship (which is to say, he caught a glimpse of them making out in the kitchen one morning, and quickly retreated to give them privacy).

"All three of you," he echoed numbly. "I didn't realize. Sorry."

"You think that's strange?"

Kyungsoo thought about it.

"Not really? I didn't think it was an option."

Jongdae hummed knowingly.

He really liked Jongdae. The other was always understanding, warm and welcoming, but not as clumsy as Chanyeol, and certainly not as blunt and invasive as Baekhyun could be - the last time they'd seen each other, Baekhyun had made an offhanded comment about Kyungsoo having a nice _ass_.

"So... can I ask you something?" Kyungsoo spoke up, partly to forget about that particular incident, "if you're not too tired."

"Sure, what is it? You wanna know how the bedroom affairs work with three people?" Jongdae asked jokingly, and Kyungsoo spluttered just a tiny bit. "Because I can assure you, in this case it's definitely 'the more, the merrier'-"

"No, it was nothing even related to that," Kyungsoo protested firmly, but still smiled when he heard Jongdae chuckle.

"I was wondering how this whole reaping process works."

"Oh?" Jongdae asked, and then hummed thoughtfully. Kyungsoo waited.

"I could explain it all to you, but you can always witness it for yourself - if you're up for that, that is. Wouldn't want to upset you."

"So you're saying I could... accompany you to work?" Kyungsoo asked, wondering whether he was overstepping any boundaries.

"Any of us. I'm sure neither of them will mind some company, to be honest. Just ask whomever you’d rather spend time with and it will be fine," Jongdae said, and Kyungsoo was starting to wonder why he sounded even more neutral than usual, when the other continued.

"But maybe you should try and ask Baek first."

Kyungsoo grimaced, and Jongdae apparently knew it without having to see, for he quickly picked up where he'd left.

"No, really. I know you're still a little lost, and probably very lonely."

Kyungsoo didn't deny that. He'd usually do so, but hearing a reaper say this about a human felt less invasive than a fellow human saying it, for some reason.

"That's why being around Baek might cheer you up a bit," Jongdae suggested.

"Because he'll annoy me to no end?"

"Because he was once human, too."

Kyungsoo turned his head towards Jongdae's barely illuminated head popping out from under the blankets

"He was? Really?"

Jongdae looked back at him, a vague smile on his face.

"Really. I'm not gonna say any more since that's his story to tell, but I thought this might be good incentive."

Now, Kyungsoo wasn't one to ask a million questions in the first place, or show his excitement easily. It would be a little inappropriate, anyway, with Jongdae keeping him company right now. So he pushed all the questions to the back of his head and faced the ceiling again.

"You never answered my question," he murmured instead, and Jongdae hummed encouragingly.

"Won't they be jealous?" Kyungsoo repeated.

"Nope."

A rustle was followed by Jongdae nuzzling his cheek into Kyungsoo's upper arm. He froze, unsure what to make of this. Was he literally getting in between an existing relationship right now, would this mean future trouble, what would-

"They can miss me a bit, they'll survive. If they even return tonight, that is," Jongdae yawned, and Kyungsoo tried not think too far into it, either.

 

The next day, Kyungsoo peeled himself out of the bed at some ungodly hour with Jongdae. They found a hungover-looking Baekhyun sitting at the kitchen table and clutching a coffee in his hands. Chanyeol was nowhere to be seen.

When they entered, he looked up and blinked, scrunching his nose up in the process.

"You were home," he stated blankly, and Jongdae sauntered around the table to first fluff up the already messy, silver hair, before hugging him from behind and leaving a fleeting kiss on his temple. Baekhyun took it all with nothing but a tiny sound of acknowledgement. Kyungsoo tried not to stare as he slipped into the chair opposite from him. Like this, Baekhyun looked like much less of a threat.

"This exhausted?" Jongdae asked lightly, roaming the kitchen for something he felt like eating. Jongdae, Kyungsoo had found out by now, _loved_ to eat, more so than the other two. "You should get some rest instead of coffee, we both know that's more effective."

Baekhyun made a vague, whiny sound as he dropped his head to his arms. It was unusually adorable.

"Being dead fucking sucks. Where does the caffeine go?" he complained, and Kyungsoo wondered whether he'd missed any other signs pointing towards the fact that yes, Baekhyun had once been alive. Jongdae just flicked his hair half-heartedly.

"Thank god you're not alive enough for caffeine anymore. Who knows what else you'd do to your body."

Baekhyun just shrugged, and Kyungsoo figured it was as good of an opportunity as any.

"So. Baek _hyun_?" he asked, awkwardly adding the second syllable as he noticed that the nickname Baek might be very familiar, but also a bit intimate maybe. Luckily, Baekhyun seemed too inebriated to notice and tease him about it, settling on a questioning hum instead. Perfect timing indeed.

 

It was a day later when Kyungsoo found himself walking down familiar streets in the blindingly bright sun. The endless rain had finally stopped, and now only the remains of a few puddles were left sparkling in the sun. He had missed Baekhyun that morning, but Chanyeol had tipped him off in the right direction. It had been quite a trip here - there were hardly any buildings around anymore. At least none that people inhabited. Lots of run down, old industrial buildings littered the area, all broken windows and weathered graffiti.

He knew a bit about the reapers and their work already. Enough to know that they had different areas they were responsible for. Jongdae took care of people who died around school grounds, mostly associated with youths committing suicide. Chanyeol, on the other hand, sought out people who withdrew themselves, taking their lives in their apartments or other buildings. He vaguely mentioned how most of his clientele were middle-aged to old people.

And Baekhyun...

...was currently balancing on train tracks with the bored ease of a child. When he noticed Kyungsoo, he stopped, waving him over with an easy grin.

Baekhyun was quite a handful, that much was clear. He'd been so pissed when Kyungsoo died without passing on, and in the few weeks Kyungsoo had known him, he'd seen him be moody and unpleasant, but also happy, tired or mischievous. He wondered whether that had anything to do with him being more human than the other two.

Today seemed to be a good day, though, judging by his relaxed features.

"So you came to find me, after all, huh?" he asked, and Kyungsoo shrugged.

"I told you I would. It wasn't that easy with you being in the middle of nowhere though."

"Don't blame it on _me_. I don't exactly love walking down the tracks either. You never know where the pieces end up if someone jumps in front of a train. It's a hassle."

Oh, and Baekhyun was also the most blunt and morbid one out of them. Which was surprising, considering he, too, had once been human. And died of an unnatural cause. Kyungsoo could only wonder about that.

"There's still some time left, but also a couple kilometers. We better get going," Baekhyun said, and turned to continue balancing down the tracks leisurely enough. Kyungsoo walked beside him.

"So you're getting bored all by yourself and decided to hit me up?" Baekhyun asked, straight forward as always. Before Kyungsoo could defend the decision (which seemed appropriate in this situation), the other shot him a look.

"I'm assuming Dae told you I'm human, and that's why you're here."

Well. So much for being subtle.

"It's not just that," Kyungsoo murmured, stubborn gaze fixated on the path ahead. "I really was interested in understanding what you guys do. Is that so wrong?"

Baekhyun shrugged with a noise accompanying it, because the reaper didn't ever do anything in silence.

"Suit yourself. I kinda get it since you're probably bored out of your mind. I'm not a great teacher, but it's not like you gotta do any of it, so... look. You remember this watch?"

Kyungsoo looked up to see a pocket watch dangle from the other's delicate fingers. It didn't look at all like Chanyeol's, so he hesitated.

"Not this one in particular, but yeah. I remember a watch. And that stone panel thing-"

"First things first," Baekhyun interrupted him, and because Kyungsoo really was curious, he let him. "Every reaper has a watch like this. It starts ticking when the next death is 24 hours away. So basically, it's constantly ticking."

Kyungsoo grinned fleetingly at the sarcastic commentary.

"The ticking stops when the person dies, obviously. And when we did our job severing the souls from the body, the clock face loosens, I pull it off, and below that, the next person's time will appear."

He tossed the watch over, Kyungsoo barely caught it and gave it a close look. The clock arms were moving soundlessly, displaying something around nine o'clock.

"I can't hear it ticking though?"

"Oh, well. Guess only reapers can hear it," Baekhyun shrugged, and Kyungsoo hummed, watching the way the arms moved almost softly, but oh-so-steadily.

"If it reaches twelve, it will stop... right?" he asked softly.

"Yep," Baekhyun said, casually popping the p.

Kyungsoo looked at name engraved into the watch. Kim Jinki. Somewhere nearby, in a couple hours, someone would presumably jump in front of a train. No one would stop him, and even though they knew, neither could they. Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun, who was looking around as he balanced over the tracks effortlessly. Over the past weeks, Kyungsoo had found out that reapers could interact with their surroundings as they wished. They could touch things if they wanted to, but also reach right through them if they didn't. Jongdae had told him a story about Baekhyun being sick and unable to control himself, causing him to regularly fall through his bed (which really was kind of hilarious, mean as it was). They had to use the bathroom, just like humans, but only if they ate anything. They could choose not to eat, not to get drenched by rain or not to get physically tired - and whenever they were overly busy, they did just that. Kyungsoo hadn't been able to put a finger on it at first, but Jongdae and Chanyeol seemed less... human whenever they were busy. Baekhyun, however, seemed human as ever, especially when stressed. Apparently, switching off his humanity didn't come easy to him. Kyungsoo eventually tossed the watch back at him, masking the next question by a casual move.

"So... how did you become a reaper?"

Baekhyun stashed the watch away, shooting him a bright grin.

"You don't wanna know how or why I died?"

Kyungsoo scrunched his brows together, before shaking his head.

"You'd just laugh it off and make a joke out of it. I have no intention of making you uncomfortable, you know?"

At this, Baekhyun broke eye contact and huffed out a depreciating laugh.

"Oh yeah?" he said quietly, skipping two steps ahead of Kyungsoo, feet gracefully tapping along the tracks.

"Funny thing to say, considering that this question makes me way more uncomfortable than talking about my circumstances of death."

Kyungsoo couldn't offer anything but a soft 'oh' that lingered in the warm summer air.

"See, I was a trainwreck of a person, and suicide was inevitable," Baekhyun announced, like he was explaining something very basic and logical. "The term trainwreck is ironic, of course, because one misty morning, I decided to jump in front of one. Because it seemed like a fantastic idea at that time."

Kyungsoo listened quietly, and tried to imagine Baekhyun standing at the tracks, seeing dim lights approach in the distance. What had he been thinking? Were his shoulders slumped, had he been crying? Or had he been as cold about it as Kyungsoo?

"But joke's on me, because when they found me, there was no connection to sever, and I was doomed to live a life in between."

"Why? Did something go wrong again?" Kyungsoo asked cautiously, but Baekhyun only laughed drily and spun around, prompting Kyungsoo to stop and look at him.

"You could say so. _Apparently_ , my will to live was just as strong as my will to die. Perfectly balanced, perfectly suited for a life in between. Fucking congrats to me," he said, arms stretched out wide, a merry smile on his face that was just a little too tight. Only now did Kyungsoo realize the fact that to Baekhyun, he was the first human encounter after all of this. He didn't really understand what the other had been through or what this made him feel, but it certainly meant _something_ to him.

"That's..." he began, unsure of what to say.

"A hilarious joke of fate?" Baekhyun asked, and Kyungsoo shook his head.

"Nah. I mean kind of, but I thought the same thing about myself. What isn't a joke of fate at this point? But still. It doesn't sound like you were aware of your will to live, so..."

"So? Sucks to be me?" Baekhyun offered with a raised brow, and crossed arms. "I guess that's the best way to sum up my existence. Whatever. Shit happens."

Baekhyun didn't say anything else, didn't turn around to keep walking, but also couldn't keep up the eye contact.

Kyungsoo felt like there was so much going on in between the lines right now, and all of it was invisible to his eye, like something standing even above reapers. Was that possible? Was there some entity that watched them, unable to clear up the obvious words hanging in the air? The concept was confusing, and the way the light reflected off Baekhyun's silvery hair to cast long shadows across his unreadable expression was distracting. So distracting, that he only noticed the sound of an approaching train when it was already close enough to see the vague silhouette of the driver through the window.

He grabbed Baekhyun's arm to tug him off the tracks, but the latter only perked up, spotted the train and grinned. It was a weird grin, as much joy as provocation, and Kyungsoo was unsettled when the reaper held onto his arms, staying rooted to the spot.

"What gives, Kyungsoo? Why so fearful? Reapers can't die, right?" he asked, with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Kyungsoo attempted to tug himself free with an unhappy expression.

"Still-" he began, but Baekhyun wouldn't let off.

"I do this all the time though."

Kyungsoo whipped up to see the train approaching quickly, willing it _please_ not to touch him, memories of the times he wasn't able to pass through a wall flashing through his head. He felt a strong push, and then he met the ground as the train thundered by. Baekhyun had pushed him, and the train had...

...not hit him.

The moment it passed by, Baekhyun was in sight, standing on the tracks, both arms outstretched, a triumphant smile on his face.

"See?" he asked, looking down at a breathless Kyungsoo, whose heart was beating wildly, despite being dead.

"Apparently, I wanna live."

 

* * *

 

That day, Kyungsoo had stayed back when a terrible thud resounded. He'd closed his eyes, he'd stood out of reach of blood splatters. It was horrible. Terrifying. Foolishly he'd assumed he could take it. That Baekhyun did this every day, that it was something he’d inevitably face one day. That to this person, death was probably sweet release. All these thoughts prove to be presumptuous, and that night, Kyungsoo lay awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling and wishing Jongdae was there with him. He thought a lot about people, about life, and how it was impossible to really tell whether death was necessary release or not. Young Kyungsoo had thought it would never be necessary. Depressed Kyungsoo had craved release. But deceased Kyungsoo, who was free from the shackles of depression, felt nothing but regret. But how many people really regretted it?

His head felt cluttered and uneasy and he wanted someone to be close to. So when he heard the front door open and close with a soft click, he slowly slipped out of bed, tempted to take the blanket with him but ultimately decided against it. If it was Baekhyun, he would probably laugh at him.

It wasn't Baekhyun. It was Chanyeol, who had settled on the couch in the living room with a bottle of chilled water. He looked a bit ruffled, but not tired or bored, maybe a bit thoughtful as he stared at the blackened TV screen as if something was playing. When he noticed Kyungsoo in the doorway, he mouthed a 'hey', expression quickly morphing into a small, inviting smile. Kyungsoo smiled back fleetingly, and padded over to sink down next to him, instinctively reaching for the blanket folded over the back of it.

"Can't sleep?" the reaper asked quietly, the most quiet Kyungsoo had ever heard him.

"Busy night?" Kyungsoo only asked back, and the other nodded.

"Yeah. I'll be off in a couple hours, before the sun rises."

Silence fell upon them, as Kyungsoo tried to think of what he would like to say, and Chanyeol just patiently sipped his water. He wasn't patient by nature, but when there was nothing to do, he could accept that. It must be natural to someone who lives mostly unbothered by time. Eventually, Kyungsoo spoke up, fingers digging into the woolen blanket on his lap.

"Someone threw himself in front of a train today."

He saw Chanyeol look at him from the corner of his vision, but didn't return his gaze. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to hear.

"Your first time?"

Kyungsoo nodded. The other exhaled, and a peek told him Chanyeol’s brows were slightly knitted, as if he was trying to figure something out.

"Life is... strange," he finally said. "At first, I didn't feel anything in particular when people let out their last breath, hanging from a ceiling or lying in a bathtub. I didn't understand it when my conscious was still fresh. It took me a long time of watching humans to truly understand this concept of _life_."

Right. Chanyeol had never been human. Kyungsoo kept his gaze in his lap, but subtly slid closer to the other nonetheless. And because he knew Chanyeol needed a definite go-ahead, he pressed his cheek into the other's shoulder. Immediately, a much bigger hand than his snaked around the small of his back to draw him close. Neither aggressive, nor shy. Chanyeol was almost as casual and firm in his physical display of affection as Jongdae, the only difference being Chanyeol drew an obvious line between Kyungsoo and his partners.

"When I began to understand, I came up with more questions. For a good time, I was very confused. Life is precious, but to some people it’s not. Some live for themselves, some for others. Some enjoy life despite being sick, others hate it despite being healthy. There are so many questions I could never find an answer to. And then I met Jongdae one day."

If this was Baekhyun, Kyungsoo would have joked about a cheesy 'how I met the love of my life' story, but this was Chanyeol, and he rarely spoke about things like that, plus Kyungsoo obviously wasn’t in a joking mood at the moment.

"And Jongdae kind of had the same questions, you see?" the other continued in his low, deep voice, rubbing the lightest patterns into his side. He spoke slowly, but enunciated very clearly, and Kyungsoo was listening intently.

"And in time, we found out that there is no definite answer for most of them. You can argue from all the points of view you can think of. Analyze pros and cons, try to defend or support the decision of ending your life. But it always comes down to every person being different. Some people need help, some people don't want it. And us...? We're reapers. We're outsiders who cannot influence any of this."

"We're better nowadays," Chanyeol said, tone growing a bit lighter. "It's a part of the human nature. Some people will take their lives, and we'll be there to make sure they move on."

"Where to?" Kyungsoo asked, and his throat felt dry. Chanyeol wordlessly offered him his water. After a small sip, Kyungsoo placed the bottle on the table and naturally returned to his position against Chanyeol's shoulder.

"That depends. There's nothing more I could tell you, because I don't know. We're generously assuming it's not eternal damnation since there's one reaper we know who came back from the afterlife."

The last part was told like a joke, but it didn't feel like one.

 

Some people will take their lives. It’s a part of human nature.

So that's how a reaper saw it, Kyungsoo thought. The tumult inside his head had calmed down a bit. Maybe Chanyeol's soothing voice had a healing effect.

"Thanks," Kyungsoo said, and Chanyeol hummed, pressing his own cheek against Kyungsoo's hair. It was a little strange, how much Kyungsoo enjoyed physical contact now. Even way before his depression, Kyungsoo hadn't been the type to initiate skinship or even crave it from anyone other than a significant other.

With this thought lingering in the back of his mind, he finally drifted off.

 

* * *

 

He woke up in his bed the next morning feeling a bit lighter and ready to face another day in his now timeless existence. And while he pushed all his active thoughts of the train incident to the back of his head, it had certainly changed the way he looked at Baekhyun. Even though he tried not to let it show. It wasn't that hard, considering Baekhyun usually did things outrageous or ludicrous enough to not even give Kyungsoo a chance to be sentimental.

A certain sunny morning a week later, for example, Kyungsoo walked inside the kitchen to find the formerly human reaper with a hand on Jongdae's ass, cupping him through his sweatpants as the other was frying something.

The pan was sizzling loud enough for Jongdae not to notice him, but Baekhyun did, shooting him a cheesy wink over his shoulder. Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes and sank into a chair. How undead people managed to not be tired, he hadn't figured it out yet, and was currently too tired to deal with this. Not to mention Baekhyun was being at least a little indecent most of the time, so this wasn't new. If he was to stay with them for an unforeseen future, he better get used to it now, Kyungsoo told himself.  
It was pure coincidence that his eyes landed on the two guys standing at the kitchen counter, specifically on Baekhyun's terribly pretty fingers that didn't look half as dainty as they should, as he groped and massaged the other's behind. Jongdae looked mostly unfazed, eyes trained on the pan, but not drawing away or stopping the clingy, invasive guy. He was probably used to it, Kyungsoo assumed. He was also well aware of the fact that Baekhyun was doing this to provoke him, and it was pure stubbornness that had him ignore them and pour himself a glass of water from the jug on the table.

Still - Kyungsoo assumed that being somewhat dead should have killed his libido and exempt him from torture like this. This shouldn’t even do anything to him. Then again, another casual look assured him that Baekhyun still seemed to have it in him, and Jongdae didn't exactly look unhappy about it either, judging by the way his eyes dropped close and the stirring motion came to an eventual halt. Jongdae wasn’t stiff or stuck-up in the least, but the way his features relaxed slowly, almost reluctantly, revealed a new side of him Kyungsoo hadn't seen yet. He was always handsome, but like this, he was... attractive, and it was hard _not_ to look. Jongdae pushed back just enough for Kyungsoo to notice, while Baekhyun's slim fingers wandered to the middle and down, no doubt feeling him up, and really, Baekhyun would stop any moment, right? Kyungsoo was still here. How far would Baekhyun take this? Apparently, the other had no intent of backing down just yet and his naughty fingertips danced across the fabric, pressing right where Jongdae probably wanted it - his brows furrowed just a bit, painting tension where there was relaxation earlier. Like this, Kyungsoo wasn't so sure whether he'd instinctively place himself in Jongdae's or Baekhyun's position, wasn't sure which position would justify the tingling in his stomach. Baekhyun’s fingers wandered even lower, and Kyungsoo wanted to feel hands on him, too (it's been forever), but also explore Jongdae's body, make him squirm and melt a little under his fingertips-

Jongdae moaned, just a quiet, repressed sound over the sizzling pan, and that was it, Kyungsoo wanted to back out and leave - who cared if Baekhyun won this, this was messing with his head, and wasn’t fair to Jongdae - but then Baekhyun supported his chin on the reaper's shoulder to look at him, breaking the whole spell.

"You're giving Kyungsoo here quite the show, aren't you? Ah, what will Chanyeol say?" he singsonged, and Kyungsoo felt his face heat up instantly. Jongdae's head whipped around, and all the unraveled threads were braided back together as quick as the blood had been rushing to Kyungsoo's face.

"Kyungsoo! How long have you been sitting there?" he asked with wide eyes, voice almost squeaky and cheeks dusted in the lightest pink. He switched approaches and turned to bump into Baekhyun, nudging him away. "Goddammit, Baek! You're awful!"

"But my fingers are not, apparently," Baekhyun quipped back, mischief being replaced by a pained yelp when the clean end of a spatula hit his shoulder.

"Get away from me. I can't trust you. Shoo," Jongdae scolded, and Kyungsoo watched them bicker and banter, watched Baekhyun poke fun at him, but ultimately trying to get back on Jongdae's good side, who stayed stubborn after such an embarrassment. He should assume that Baekhyun had done this to spite him. To tell him ' _See? That's mine, you can't have a piece of that_ ' - so why did it not feel like that was the case?

He still thought about that as he poked around his crispy, but still edible scrambled eggs.

So curious.

 

* * *

 

It was a nice, sunny day when Kyungsoo decided to pay Jongdae a visit. Not that Baekhyun wasn't pleasant company - even though neither Kyungsoo nor the reaper would openly admit to that - but his curiosity wasn't quite sated. Also, if Jongdae was anything like Baekhyun, he was probably bored, and Kyungsoo would like to keep him company.

He had wanted it to be a surprise, and once again, Chanyeol had tipped him off about his whereabouts. He knew Jongdae was currently patrolling a certain school, but he also seemed to be able to always tell Jongdae's vague location. Kyungsoo wondered whether only natural-born reapers could do so, and made a mental note to ask Baekhyun about this.

Luckily, the school was not one Kyungsoo had ever attended - he wasn't sure whether he was ready to meet potentially familiar faces, even if it's just teachers. He was coming to terms with the fact that he was dead, but not enough to want to be confronted with familiar faces. One day. Or maybe not, if that meant the reapers would be involved with them.

But no, he had never set foot inside this school before. It was weird to just wander from classroom to classroom without being seen. Sure, he was getting used to that, too (and he dreaded the moment the real loneliness would set in), but it was different in a school, where so many people were just sitting there, sometimes in complete silence. He felt so much like an invader, but of course, no one noticed. He had no idea where to find Jongdae, but walking through walls was undeniably practical, and on the second floor, he found him.

 

There he sat on a windowsill, dangling his legs, eyes trained on the back of a student who couldn't see him... or hear him talking.

Yes, Jongdae was talking, and Kyungsoo stood in the room frozen, just watching. Listening.

"That's actually a really pretty sketch," he was just saying, sounding genuinely invested as he craned his neck to see whatever the girl was doodling instead of taking notes.

"I think she's my favourite character so far. I hope your next comic will feature more of her. She's really tough, quite the fighter. Inspiring, isn't it? I mean, why am I telling you this," he interrupted himself with a chuckle, "after all, you invented her. So she's springing from your mind. You're a fighter."  
Kyungsoo stared at the unlikely, one-sided exchange, and remembered Chanyeol’s words.  
_And we...? We're reapers. We're outsiders who cannot influence any of this._

Thinking back to those words and seeing Jongdae’s slightly strained smile pained him. He knew, but he was still trying. Even though he must know it all too well, must have seen them die, after all, time and time again.

Kyungsoo had waited a bit too long, it seemed, for Jongdae looked up, and now there was no way he could pretend he entered just now and had in no way listened in on him like a creep. The reaper looked surprised, a little sheepish, maybe, but not mad.

"Kyungsoo. I didn't expect to see you," he said, scooting to the side to make room for him. Kyungsoo hesitated.

"Am I interrupting something? I didn't mean to..." he said, trailing off vaguely, but Jongdae shook his head with a placating hum, and gentle, easy-going Jongdae was back.

"Not at all. Take a seat. The sun will warm your back like this."

"But if it heats my back, how come I don't cast a shadow anymore? Like how can the sun rays hit me and at the same time not?" Kyungsoo asked automatically, as he took him up on the offer and hoisted himself up on the windowsill. "It's like how we can touch things. If I kick someone's chair now, won't they feel it?"

Jongdae only chuckled, playfully bumping into his side.

"What, you're considering a career as a poltergeist now?" he asked with twinkling eyes that reminded him that Baekhyun wasn't the only mischievous member of the reaper trio.

"I'm not," Kyungsoo argued, staring ahead with slightly furrowed brows. "Just wondering. Aren't you asking yourself these questions? Ever?"

Jongdae hummed, as if he was considering them right now.

"I stopped trying to apply human logic, to be honest. I lead a different type of existence than them, and as long as I know how to handle it, I'm content. It's understandable that this is a difficult concept for you and Baek."

Right.

"Did Baek... I mean Baekhyun ask you stuff like this as well?"

It was actually hard to imagine Baekhyun being curious about the finer mechanics of a reaper's existence. Probably because he was usually driven by either anger or mischief.

"Ah, he was a little frustrated at first. Complained a whole lot about nothing making sense anymore."

Kyungsoo nodded with a knowing expression. Yes, that sounded more like him.

"But you'll get used to it. I mean, in time, anyone would get used to it," the reaper corrected himself, and Kyungsoo hummed.

He tried to imagine this. Baekhyun being newly deceased and as confused as he had been, interacting with the reaper duo. He almost forgot it from time to time, but way before it were the three of them, there must have been just Jongdae and Chanyeol.

"Were you curious and excited to actually _meet_ a human?" he asked, watching the way Jongdae's legs dangled back and forth steadily.

"Oh. I mean sure," Jongdae said, sounding like he clearly hadn't expected Kyungsoo to consider this, "we were a little at a loss about what to do at first, but it's not like company is a horrible thing. Not that we were lonely."

"Right, you two had probably been together already, at that point," Kyungsoo stated more than asked, and Jongdae laughed.

"Is this an interview? A test? Am I passing so far?"

Kyungsoo certainly did not pout.

"Is it so strange that I wanna know more about you guys? You think because you've never died you're not interesting? Because I think that's hardly the case."

After a thoughtful pause of two seconds, Jongdae leaned into Kyungsoo's side, unceremoniously nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Kyungsoo flinched a bit, though more out of instinct than actual shock. Jongdae was very touchy by nature, he knew that by now. The way he handled physical contact was just another slightly inhuman thing about him. Not that Kyungsoo was complaining. This wasn't sexy Jongdae, it was cuddly, warm Jongdae. And being on the receiving end of affection was oddly freeing.

"You're right, Chanyeol and I have known each other a long time already," he began, sounding only a little wistful. "I'm not sure whether there are other reapers like us, but we kinda crossed each other's path a couple times, and discovered that we belonged together. I wish I could be more eloquent, and maybe it's a reaper thing, but... it just felt warm and right when we were together. Just being around each other was so fulfilling. Oh, and also the human lovemaking turned out to be as much fun as they made it out to be-"

"Too much information," Kyungsoo said decidedly, and Jongdae only laughed, snuggling closer. It was so pleasant to just enjoy the comforting touch without having to worry about any possible indications.

Kyungsoo really didn't think this feeling Jongdae had described was _just a reaper thing_.

"I used to think I was a very strange person, you know?" Jongdae said, voice a little lighter than the meaning it carried. "Until I met Chanyeol. Who is even more of a weirdo - nah, I'm joking."

Kyungsoo didn't laugh; he just listened, eyes staring through the students raising their arms, while others were silently writing.

"I guess he made me feel like an interesting, wholesome person. Even when he caught me in the same way you did, just now... he didn't laugh or think it was silly."

"What, talking to people?" Kyungsoo asked carefully, not yet ready to voice out his assumptions. Jongdae chuckled, but despite him trying to play it off casually, his voice wavered just a tiny bit.

"Trying to talk them out this. Go ahead and laugh - I know I'm not some holy Guardian angel. I'm just a reaper, and what I say has never ever changed a thing."

Kyungsoo's eyes came to a rest on the hunched shoulders of the girl, whose nimble fingers were clenched tightly around her pen.

Slowly, he turned to put an arm around Jongdae, carefully pressing him against his chest, shielding him from the view of blind gazes. There was nothing more he could offer, but Jongdae didn't laugh it off. He tensed a bit, breathed in a suspiciously steady fashion and was very quiet until the bell rang, and the students had all left the classroom, with the anxious teen leaving last, notebook clenched in her hands.

Kyungsoo stared down into the slowly filling yard.

"Is it still ticking?" he finally asked, all but murmured into Jongdae's hair. The other hummed absently.

"Hasn't even started ticking yet. But I can feel that it will. Soon."

Jongdae inhaled deeply, before he freed himself from the embrace, palms loosely resting on Kyungsoo's knees as he looked at him. His eyes weren't red, but he looked a little tired.

"See, the day you met us, you were really angry. Especially," he spoke up with a raised voice to prevent Kyungsoo from interrupting him, "since you thought none of us could understand you. What this life you've been forced to live looked like, what it felt like and what it meant to you. You're right and I don't know what it feels like. But there's someone who does."

"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo said without hesitation, but Jongdae shook his head.

"Baekhyun... knows pain, but it's a different kind. I'm talking about Chanyeol."

"Chanyeol?"

He couldn't do anything but dumbly repeat the name, and Jongdae nodded, regret and guilt written all over his face.

"I should have noticed it earlier. It's ironic. But Baekhyun saw it before I did."

Kyungsoo thought of the way Chanyeol had been sitting in the living room, all alone in the middle of the night, staring blankly into space. Jongdae leaned his forehead against Kyungsoo's upper body, hiding his face.

"I failed him, the only person in my reach."

  


* * *

 

 

Kyungsoo woke up to the sound of rain pattering against the window. The sun was probably up already, but he could see through the slits of the blinds that the sky was nothing but grey. It made him feel cozy, but also melancholic, and he stared at the ceiling, listening to the sound for a long time.

Usually, the reapers were especially busy on days like these - it was morbid, how the suicide rate sparked just from a change of weather, but that's how it was. Today, however, he was pretty certain all three guys were home - an almost rare occurrence. The image of three people huddled together in one big bed was intriguing. What were they like, all amongst themselves?

What was it like, waking up to two people?

Kyungsoo was oddly curious, and had to admit to himself that he probably felt just a little left out. Of course he was - the other three _were_ lovers, and he was just a guy they took in, out of responsibility. A guy they were overly friendly to, by human standards, but still not on the same level.

Well, he shouldn't complain, Kyungsoo thought as he rolled to one side, gathering his will to get up. He was around three people who were all exceptionally welcoming and nice (even if Baekhyun had a funny way of showing it). There was really nothing more he could ask for.

When he trudged to the kitchen, a freshly-showered Jongdae entered with a clearly not-so-showered Baekhyun. The best term to describe the sleepy boy would be mussed up.

"Morning Soo," Jongdae provided merrily, as he reached for a glass of water. Kyungsoo's greeting came out a bit strained as Baekhyun plopped into the chair next to him. He was reeking. Kyungsoo was definitely not innocent enough to mistake that smell for anything other than-

"What? Jealous?" Baekhyun grinned sleazily, leaning in a bit too close for comfort as if sharing a great secret. "We were extra quiet, just so you can get your beauty sleep."

"We were extra quiet because you're loud enough to give me a headache," Chanyeol protested, as he stepped inside the kitchen with a towel resting over his shoulders. Jongdae hummed, much to the former human's offense.

"I am loud? What about Jongdae? I don't see you complaining about _him_!"

The two mentioned reapers shared a fond gaze, prompting Baekhyun to get even more dramatic. Kyungsoo wasn't sure whether he felt left out or included. Could you feel both, at once?

"That's because I got the voice of an angel," Jongdae chirped, sitting down at the table.

"Angels don't make filthy sounds like that-" Baekhyun began, his eyes already sparkling with challenge when Jongdae firmly cut him off - which Kyungsoo was rather thankful for.

"Anyway. Since we're all free today, should go out or something?"

It was a question directed at everyone, and Chanyeol noisily downed the rest of his water from where he stood by the kitchen counter.

"Sure, why not? What do you-"

"Movie theatre," Baekhyun intervened firmly. "We're so going to the theater, it's been ages!"

The other two nodded in agreement, obviously happy about the suggestion that was really more of a choice made. Right. Movies were a form of entertainment even reapers could enjoy. Kyungsoo hesitated a second too long, before awkwardly filling the silence.

"What movie are you going to watch?"

Baekhyun all but threw himself at Kyungsoo, hanging onto him like a koala.

"I don't know, what's on the program? We should just go and decide spontaneously."

"You know, I think Kyungsoo should decide," Jongdae suggested, much to said one's surprise. Him?

"After all, it's his first cinema visit in awhile. Right?"

The last question was directed at him, and Kyungsoo blinked, before nodding numbly.

 

A couple hours later they found themselves in a dark cinema, with barely ten other people occupying nearby seats.

"You know, this is the biggest improvement of them all," Baekhyun stated loudly as he raked himself in his plush seat. "Free cinema! And you can just talk however much you want!"

It was true, Kyungsoo thought. To his right, Chanyeol munched on popcorn they had brought along, while on his left, Jongdae was getting comfy, balancing a second bowl of popcorn. Left of Jongdae sat Baekhyun, but that didn't stop him from talking to all three of them, apparently.

No one had even hesitated for a second, as if it was a given  that they take Kyungsoo along on what could be some sort of date. He was even sitting in the middle, snug between two people who offered him popcorn, and only two scenes into the movie, a palm came to rest on his right upper arm. Apparently, Chanyeol had learnt not to touch his thigh without warning again - though Kyungsoo certainly wouldn't mind.

"You sure you don't want any?" Jongdae murmured, and before Kyungsoo could politely deny, Baekhyun's hand had plunged into the popcorn, and was all up in his face.

Due to his muffled sound of protest, the dry kernels were forced into his mouth anyway. They were sweet. Sweet popcorn, who did that? Baekhyun and Jongdae, apparently, and while Kyungsoo munched on the unusual snack (that really wasn't all that bad), he felt... happy. For the first time, he didn't only feel alive, but genuinely happy to be in the position he was. When Baekhyun evidently leaned into Jongdae to feed him more popcorn, despite the uncomfortable stretch it poised for him, Kyungsoo didn't protest. It was easier, not feeling provoked or belittled by Baekhyun in the dark. Or maybe it was easier for Baekhyun to be open and earnest in the dark. Either way, Jongdae didn't comment on it or complain about Baekhyun almost lying in his lap. And Kyungsoo didn't complain about the fingers prodding at his lips from time to time. He became braver through a mid-action scene, playfully nipping at Baekhyun's fingers. He wished he could see the other's reaction, because his own cheeks were burning up from feeling antsy. Was this alright? Did the other two not see? Or did they notice what was going on but chose not to comment, being secretly mad?

The fingers returned with more kernels, quicker than before, and Kyungsoo parted his lips, willing to see how far the other would go. Since this was Baekhyun, he didn't have to wait long, and the slim fingers slowly pushed past his lips, to what felt like his first knuckle. A sharp spark of arousal and excitement followed, and Kyungsoo pressed his lips together without hesitation. It's been forever since anyone touched him in a non-platonic way, and the memory of Jongdae writhing at the kitchen counter had reminded him that yes, his libido was still very much present. Without thinking, he softly sucked, gathering the sweet remains of popcorn off the pads of his fingers. The knowledge that both Jongdae and Chanyeol were _right there_ was exciting and terrifying. The fingertips pressed against his tongue just a little and he sucked a bit harder in retaliation. Maybe, if he tried to look good at what he was doing, they'd be more intrigued and less upset? It was a stupid, rude thought of the kind that flashed through your mind when your brain was running on autopilot, and it was gone the moment Baekhyun's fingers drew away, not before swiping over his bottom lip with way too much confidence. Kyungsoo hadn't recovered when a sudden squeeze reminded him of Chanyeol's palm on his lower arm. With wide, alarmed eyes he looked at the other's profile. ' _I'm sorry_ ' was lingering on his still moist lips, but the other only shot him a fleeting glance and began to rub comforting circles into his skin. Chanyeol was awful at hiding his feelings, so it was clear that he wasn't angry right now. Kyungsoo didn't dare returning his gesture and just took it, willing his anxiety and confusion to calm down.

 

He was way too distracted to notice the way Baekhyun teased his wet fingers along Jongdae's lips, or the way the latter dried them by pecking Baekhyun's cheek repeatedly.

 

* * *

 

 

 

They hadn't addressed the cinema incident, and after overanalyzing the situation for the rest of the evening, Kyungsoo came to the conclusion that they were all good. He wasn't too sure about what Jongdae thought, but Chanyeol wasn't angry, and Baekhyun hardly had a right to be. All three of them were pretty generous regarding their skinship, so Kyungsoo was probably the only one even remotely turned on back then. His fault. He discreetly slapped his cheeks to get his shit together.

"Do you still wanna come? Are you tired, Soo?"

At Chanyeol's voice, he looked up and into the deep, turquoise orbs of the reaper leaning in the doorway. It was funny how both Jongdae and Chanyeol had the same eye color, and managed to look so different regardless. Jongdae's eyes were rather bright, a natural spark dancing in them, while the turquoise orbs of the other looked smooth and deep. Kyungsoo straightened his posture and tried to look nonchalant.

"No, I’m fine. Let’s go."

Chanyeol hesitated, but obviously decided to take  his word, and they left the apartment, taking a couple steps at a time, as the rickety elevator was out of business once again.

"How come no one cares about the upper apartments?" Kyungsoo asked, if only to fill the silence before Chanyeol could - the other would probably want to talk about Kyungsoo himself, as usual. It wasn't annoying or offensive, but also not very exciting to Kyungsoo, who pictured himself as an expert on everything Kyungsoo.

"Oh, the building belongs to a very old landlord," Chanyeol chirped as he took the stairs with a suspiciously quiet sound, in order to make Kyungsoo hear him better. "They think the apartment is haunted and don't dare renting it to anyone. I guess the day a company takes over and renovates, we might wanna move if we don’t want to share the same apartment with some humans."

He didn't seem particularly sad, and why would he? It wasn't like they were bound by anything like money - they'd always find an empty apartment to live in. Their existence was still mind twisting, but by now, Kyungsoo had told himself to think of an alternate dimension they resided in. Very close to reality, yet separated by an incredibly thin layer. Reapers like Chanyeol and Jongdae had mastered the art of interacting with reality to their wishes, and it hadn't ceased to impress Kyungsoo so far. Baekhyun was either as close to reality as he could (meaning his steps would be echoing loudly now) or completely detached (meaning he wouldn't cause any noise at all). Chanyeol, on the other hand, seamlessly walked the line. Kyungsoo wanted to be able to do that, too.

"I don't know what we're gonna see today, so sorry in advance if it's gonna upset you," Chanyeol said as they walked down the street, thick, grey rain clouds looming above them. "I'll try to tell you to stay back in time."

"No, it's alright," Kyungsoo assured him quickly. "I asked to come along, so don't let me get in the way of your job."

Chanyeol smiled and took his hand, always eager for an outlet for his emotions. Kyungsoo squeezed back hesitantly. He hadn't lied though. It was true that he had never accompanied Chanyeol for the very reason the reaper had pointed out - it was already painful to see any kind of death, be it caused on accident, by a careless driver, or on purpose, by one too many steps towards the tracks. He'd seen shoes orderly placed at edges of roofs and tried not to look too closely at the bloody remains around the tracks. But someone like him, hiding away in their last shelter to silently leave the world - that he hadn't seen yet, and he'd always been a little wary of whether he was ready to face such a situation. Ready to face a part of himself.

Today, though, someone was holding his hand, and talking about mundane, fun things, and the prospect of maybe learning more about Chanyeol made him venture forwards.

 

Their target lived in a pretty nondescript apartment building, rather shabby, but far from being as run down as the reapers' home. They entered just as the first raindrops hit the pavement and a distant rumbling lingered in the air.

"Unlike Jongdae, I don't exactly seek people out before their death," Chanyeol said as they walked down a hallway, with the reaper grasping his pocket watch firmly. Apparently, it helped him to make out the location he had to be in. "It would make me pretty busy, and also it wouldn't make much sense for me, I guess."

He compared the name tag at the door to the one on his watch, and stepped inside. Kyungsoo followed, silently gleeful over how easy it had become to ignore walls and in turn being ignored by them.

"You don't wanna get attached?" Kyungsoo asked, and couldn't help adding a very quiet "unlike Jongdae?"

He wouldn't dream of getting in between what they had, and he genuinely respected Jongdae. Maybe Chanyeol knew, because he came to a halt in the entrance area, turning towards him with a smile.

"That's mostly right. I can't be so arrogant as to say it wouldn't influence me. I'm not as strong as Dae, and it's easier to be warm and welcoming if you don't know anything about the person."

Right. Kyungsoo wondered whether there had ever been people they were disgusted by. Unnatural deaths came in many forms. A murderer could also commit suicide after the act. Chanyeol, no, none of the reapers were there to judge. They just led the souls on, to whatever fate awaited them. Was there anything remotely similar to human justice involved in the choice of an afterlife? Kyungsoo could only hope so.

This apartment didn't look like it belonged to a psychopath, though that didn't mean anything of course. It was all ordinary, cheap furniture in light brown, yellowish, faded tapestries and an equally cheap, scratchy grey carpet. Still, for all the trist colors, the apartment appeared to have been lived in. Photos littered the walls, personal objects were chaotically lined up on the shelves. Chanyeol hummed a little tune to himself as he took a curious look at the photos. Kyungsoo watched the nonchalant curiosity in his eyes and wondered. How was Chanyeol supposed to be closer to him in terms of mentality than Baekhyun? Why was it so easy to look into his eyes but sometimes so hard to find anything in them?

"Ah, it's the father of the family," Chanyeol mumbled, tapping at a certain photo of a man clad in military uniform, wearing a name tag.

"You think his family still lives here?" Kyungsoo asked, voice as low as Chanyeol's. The other shrugged and straightened his posture.

"Who knows."

He slowly paced down the corridor until he came to a stop in front of a door, mumbling "In here," before entering the room. Kyungsoo followed with tentative steps. Judging by the faded stickers on the door, this was a children's room. An uneasy, cold shiver crawled down his spine. Hopefully, the kid would not find him. Or ever return to this room after that. For a second, he only saw Chanyeol's shoulders - which were broad, in comparison to Baekhyun’s and Jongdae’s - before he realized that this was a teenager's room. It looked a bit too orderly, and a distinct layer of dust over the desk told him that this room wasn't lived in anymore. Chanyeol came to a halt in the middle of the room, and Kyungsoo almost bumped into him. The other looked around, taking everything in, so Kyungsoo attempted to do the same. This was a strangely intimate situation to be in, compared to Baekhyun's or Jongdae's workplaces. He still felt heavily disconnected, since this was a stranger's room. Full of books, CD's, posters and stuffed animals that he had no emotional connection to. He could only guess what kind of a person had once lived in this room, and whether they had chosen to move out or passed away. Maybe there had been a fight between the kid and the parents, maybe he had just moved out to attend college, maybe the mother took the child with her. A dozen scenarios came to mind, but Kyungsoo couldn't be certain.

"Yeah. We just gotta wait now," Chanyeol said, uncharacteristically quietly, and Kyungsoo wished he could see his face right now. "Sorry, my area isn't very exciting."

"Don't say that. I'm not demanding to be entertained," Kyungsoo provided calmly, but as he reached out to touch Chanyeol's arm, the other slid away and towards one of the book shelves at the wall. For a second, Kyungsoo's hand uselessly hovered in the air, and he felt unreasonably dejected.

"Do you think..." the reaper began, trailing off as he slid a finger over the back of books. Chanyeol seemed serious about whatever he wanted to express, but it didn’t come easy. He still wasn't meeting his eyes, either. Kyungsoo waited, approached him, but kept a polite distance. Everyone was always so close to each other and that was nice. Amazing even. But maybe coming forth with something was easier if you had room to do so.

"Do you think I'm missing something important?"

Kyungsoo felt the thoughts run through his head. This was an important moment, and he didn't dare ruin it.

"Something important?" he echoed back carefully, and Chanyeol shrugged, tugging out what looked like a yearbook, to idly flip the pages.

"Clearly I'm not human. I've never been alive, and there must be a ton of experiences and feelings I know nothing about. But do you think any of them are worth being sad about?"

Kyungsoo thought about that, his life flashing by, from sand castles to clumsy letters written in smudged ink; from yearning looks to boxes spread out in an empty apartment. From light filtering through blinds, from curling up on his bed to seeing his own, dead body sleeping _peacefully_.

A touch made him flinch, and his cramped up muscles loosened as Chanyeol's left hand grazed his, a look of worry and regret swimming in his eyes.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, this is already not a pleasant place for you to be in-"

"No," Kyungsoo quickly intervened, looking up at him with what he hoped to be an unwavering gaze. "It's okay. I was just trying to think of an answer, but I don't think I could, however long I tried. I don't know what it's like _not_ to be human, and not to live with the constant knowledge of being transient. Even now my mind hasn’t fully adapted yet, despite everything."

Chanyeol sighed with poorly concealed disappointment.

"Of course. You're right. Just forget about it, it's okay-"

"What do you think you're missing?" Kyungsoo asked, unwilling to let go of something this important to Chanyeol. The other hesitated again, eyes aimlessly scanning his surroundings.

"I don't know," he said slowly. "How could I know? It's just that I am surrounded by humans every day, and yet I feel so... disconnected. I want to understand why some people want to achieve great things, but choose not to. What does it mean to be alive? As an outsider, I can only watch them and be envious. I'd like to experience what a family feels like, and I'd like to step up and prove myself, and make a change in the world and other people. Humans can do all that."

Kyungsoo watched him return the yearbook, and turn towards a collage of printed photos hanging at the wall instead.

"But maybe I'm also just ignorant, thinking of the world the way I want to. Because, well. What do I know?"

He lowered his gaze and waited for Kyungsoo's reaction, his judgement.

_What do you know - you're a reaper._

And Kyungsoo finally began to understand how all these pieces fit into the puzzle that was Chanyeol. Chanyeol was of an inherently positive nature, with ambitions and the wish for self-fulfillment. It wasn't really about missing something, but about missing _out_. He wanted _more_ , wanted to be part of the world, not a neutral instance in between. He yearned for something he just couldn't have, and it was a terribly frustrating and sad fate. Chanyeol could easily go out there and sweep the world of its feet, Kyungsoo knew it. He would be loved by a family, have plenty of friends and feel like his existence had a meaning. The harsh reality was that his current existence was probably way more meaningful, but what good did that do if Chanyeol felt empty? He wanted something he definitely couldn't have, and had opted to hide this part of him, because his partner wouldn't understand, and was also busy fighting his own battle. Now Chanyeol was spending his days in the living rooms of strangers, watching, wondering but never knowing for sure what his life would have looked like. Wondering whether he was incomplete. Kyungsoo knew that feeling, at least. Their stories were different, they were different, very much so. But the feeling of staring out a window, watching people live their lives and wonder which part of him was missing for him in order to be like them... that one was the same.

"You know, for awhile I thought that maybe I should die, too," Chanyeol said quietly, eyes still trained on the ugly carpet. "Maybe whatever comes after this would be more of a life than what I'm having now. Maybe I'd get a better purpose then."

Kyungsoo scrunched his brows together, shaking his head without searching his gaze.

"No, don't do that," he said almost absently, and Chanyeol hummed.

"I dismissed that idea awhile ago. You know what Baekhyun said?"

"He told you to do it?" Kyungsoo asked, with a raised brow, only half-joking. Chanyeol laughed weakly.

"No. I mean, he did tell me that turning towards a suicidal kid for advice was a bad idea in the first place, but... he also told me that what I'm saying is something many people think before jumping. And that I had to decide for myself whether it's worth leaving _everything_ behind."

He was still talking, weakly filling the void, avoiding Kyungsoo's judgement for as long as possible, or maybe just trying to soften it a bit. "And I thought of Jongdae, of course. And also of Baekhyun, which I hadn't noticed before. And the answer seemed kinda obvious."

' _Are you living out of responsibility?'_ Kyungsoo almost asked, but then he had to ask himself whether it wasn't a thing most people did, at least to a certain extent. Whatever keeps you going had its own validity, that was the only thing he was certain about. That and one other aspect.

"Baekhyun was right though."

Chanyeol immediately ceased talking upon hearing Kyungsoo's few, calm words. The reaper looked at him with hesitant uncertainty, a careful question lingering in the air.

"The questions you're asking yourself are very... human. Baekhyun isn't exactly good at wording things, as far as I know it, but I think he was trying to tell you that you're alive already. You're more alive than many people I met, and certainly more alive than I was, before I took my pills. You don't need to die to be alive. You already are."

He kept his voice steady, looking him in the eye with the certainty he felt. Chanyeol had spread all his thoughts out and deserved an honest answer. "You don't need a society to live in and interact with to give you feedback. I can understand that you want one, and I'm sorry that that's not possible."

The other’s shoulders tensed and his gaze dropped to the floor, hoping to hide the way he bit his lip and blinked rapidly. It probably felt different to know about the truth and to really _hear_ it from someone else. Kyungsoo quickly reached for his lower arms, willing the other to stay with him, to not give up just yet.

"It's definitely not fair, as life isn't fair for anyone. You said it yourself - some people want to die, others have to die but want to live. Maybe a lot of people would give up their life to become a reaper in an instant."

His fingers slid down to hold the other's hands, and the longer fingers immediately curled around his in response. Kyungsoo licked his lips and continued.

"This is just a personal experience, but when I died, I had so many regrets. Maybe not everyone feels them, but I did. And that's why I'm standing here now, because I wanna experience whatever _this_ is to the fullest. I know this sounds ridiculous and shallow but... enjoy what this life gives you, if you can. Even if there's only two other people, those two really cherish you, right? That's worth more than a hundred strangers living around you. I sound like an idiot-"

The rest of the sentence was cut off when Chanyeol drew him into a tight embrace.  
Chanyeol liked to hug people, to share friendly, cozy hugs and casually loving ones before breakfast, during movie nights and before he left home. This was no such hug. It was firm enough to make Kyungsoo press back in defense, and for the first time, he was acutely aware of the strength the other had. He was so tall that Kyungsoo could barely peek over his shoulder to breathe.

"Three," Chanyeol whispered, one palm cupping the back of Kyungsoo's head. "It's three people."

Despite the serious situation, Kyungsoo felt his face heat up at the intimate gesture. He could _feel_ the vibrations of his voice.

"Thank you. For taking your time, for taking me seriously. Just. Thanks."

"It's... not _nothing_ , but nothing to thank me for. Any day," Kyungsoo replied. For a long time, they just held each other like that, and Chanyeol breathed in and out. Deep. Steady. Alive.

"Don't tell Jongdae or Baek, please," he finally murmured, and Kyungsoo hummed in agreement. "I wanna try and express myself better to them. They deserve it."

They did. This time, Kyungsoo didn't feel jealous or left out - the idea of the three others holding each other, keeping each other together, only made him feel warm.

A while later, they found themselves sitting on the scratchy carpet, backs to the wall and sides touching. This time, it was Kyungsoo's cheek resting against Chanyeol's burgundy hair, and Kyungsoo's hand resting on top of Chanyeol's. Like this, they drifted off, waiting for death to once again claim a life as his.

 

* * *

 

Things changed after that. Not necessarily between Chanyeol and him, because Chanyeol acted like he always did - though ‘act’ might be an unfortunate term, because if anything, their relationship had become even better, and there was definitely nothing fake about it. Sometimes, when a specific topic came up, they'd share fleeting, knowing gazes, but that was it.

No, the change went through the reaper trio like lazy ripples. It would start with Chanyeol off-handedly mentioning stray, negative thoughts running through his head. One day when they were all lying outside in the soft grass, enjoying the sunshine overhead, Chanyeol mentioned how he had this silly little dream of taking a guitar and sitting down at the sidewalk to play. He'd play and play, until he'd manage to draw a smile on a stranger's face, maybe coax someone into staying and listening. This prompted Jongdae to talk about a girl he'd once watched over until her death, who'd harboured a big crush on such a musician. Jongdae usually avoided talking about the cases he was responsible for because he was obviously ashamed of how much he knew and remembered about so many of them. But Chanyeol just listened, soaked it up like any story he heard, and Baekhyun... Baekhyun was able to cast aside his cynicism long enough to _listen_. He was less interested in the actual stories of Jongdae's wards and more in the way Jongdae told them, it was written all over Baekhyun's face. And sometimes, he even added a few snippets of his own experiences. Not cold, clean facts, but personal experiences, which was a rare thing for Baekhyun. Kyungsoo was content just listening.  
  
It was nice, lying in the grass between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, listening to the three talk about street musicians and memorable performances they'd seen or speculate whether Chanyeol actually had the patience to learn an instrument. Chanyeol was discreetly touching Kyungsoo's hand while he admitted that he had secretly learnt how to play the guitar already. And gave his fingers a hearty squeeze when Jongdae excitedly asked him to play for them one day - when Jongdae and Baekhyun welcomed this new part of him without judging or accusing him. Jongdae's laugh was warm, Baekhyun's orbs attentive, and even though Kyungsoo wasn't a part of them, Chanyeol was holding his hand, and he didn’t feel excluded in any way.

 

It also got easier to accompany the others on their job. It was still horrible to see people die - especially when the cause of death was gruesome - but catching the scared and confused souls to lead them on was rewarding, too - and even if Kyungsoo thought helping the people go to their death was terrible, he was aware that not sending them on would cause them and others to suffer like he had. He mostly chose to be with Jongdae, who had the least deaths, patrolling schools, but would almost never take a day off. The other had been a little daunted by Kyungsoo's presence, at first, but soon he was back to talking to the living. Kyungsoo was a little awkward, but he tried to add his own share of encouragement, occasionally, and it was a bit hard not to get attached. It helped to always think of Jongdae as an anchor, as the most concrete being around Kyungsoo in that exact moment. Maybe detaching himself from the world was the first step to becoming inhuman - though ironically, out of the three reapers, Baekhyun appeared to be the most inhuman one. He used to think differently, but in retrospect, Baekhyun’s emotions may be more intense, but not necessarily more _human_. Even after all these weeks, Kyungsoo often found himself at a loss as to what was going on inside his head. Occasionally, he showed glimpses, and all of them seemed to be rather dark, but Baekhyun was like a complex dessert, where bitter chocolate and light vanilla cream were swirled together so closely that there was no telling where one started and the other ended. He was unpredictable and moody, and if he had a bad day, he wouldn’t exchange more than five words with Kyungsoo, who would just silently follow him around like a shadow. Surprisingly, Kyungsoo didn't mind these days all that much. He could do silence, was an expert on it, really, and despite Baekhyun being gloomy, he'd never told him to leave him alone, so that had to mean something.

It had been a day like this, when they returned in the middle of the night, silently trudging back into their apartment. Kyungsoo felt exhausted. It was probably around three in the morning, and he still hadn't learned how to get his undead body under control and stop the exhaustion from getting to him. He couldn't blame Baekhyun (or any of the other reapers) for slipping up in his case now - if he was this drained from merely following them around sporadically, it was a miracle they didn’t mess up more often.

When they entered the apartment, he was surprised to find all the lights still on. Not that Chanyeol or Jongdae were in any way bound by different times of the day, but Jongdae liked to sleep at night with his duties only applying to daytime, and Chanyeol was usually out at night. Today, though, they were huddled together on one end of the couch, with Jongdae sitting in Chanyeol's lap, facing him. As soon as Kyungsoo entered the room, he noticed two things: for one, they were covered by a woolen blanket, which was a little weird considering the temperature, and also they looked terribly mussed up. Almost as if-

"Wow, we missed all the fun? I'm disappointed," Baekhyun tsked, walking towards them without shame, until he could sit on the armrest at the other end. "You traitors. Behind our backs."

Kyungsoo pretended not to hear the use of plural, and hesitantly hovered in the doorframe. Jongdae was looking at him though, eyes shining with emotions that shouldn't be directed at him, and he encouragingly patted the space on the couch next to them. The motion made the blanket slip a bit, revealing that yes, both of them were obviously not wearing any clothes. This was a bit much now, wasn't it? Still, Jongdae was using his pouty look on him, and neither of the other two complained, so Kyungsoo slowly inched closer, feeling like he was so beyond any realm of ethics at this point that it really didn't matter anymore. There wasn't even a society to judge him for this unusual lifestyle he led, living with three men who seemed to lead a somewhat open relationship. Or at least one they didn't mind showcasing, judging by the way Jongdae all but tugged him down, so he could sit next to them.

"I don't wanna hear that from you, of all people,” he said, addressing Baekhyun now. “Not to mention you _favour_ things happening _behind your back_ , who are you trying to kid?"

Kyungsoo didn't really hear the snappy reply because like this, he could see Chanyeol, who looked equally fucked out - there was just no better term for it. His hair was all over the place, the skin around his chest and collarbones was faintly shimmering from sweat, and there were two obvious dark blotches decorating his neck. Chanyeol, who had thrown his head back against the headrest, straightened up when Kyungsoo had settled down, and smiled sleepily.

"You're back."

Kyungsoo had a hard time looking him in the eye and hummed noncommittally. The other looked soft and sleepy, and he had the terrible urge to _touch_.

"Did you have a nice day?" Jongdae asked conversationally, and Kyungsoo shrugged.

"As nice as it gets when you gotta figure out where the soul of a butchered body appears," Baekhyun provided helpfully. Jongdae shot him a judgmental look. Kyungsoo didn't register that, either, because Chanyeol had put in the effort to remove one hand from the warm blanket cocoon to place it on Kyungsoo's neck. His skin was incredibly warm to the touch, and Kyungsoo froze in uncertainty. Chanyeol didn't seem to notice and easily applied pressure, urging him closer, unreadable gaze trained on him. Kyungsoo resisted, wide eyes flitting over to Jongdae with a helpless question reflected in them. Jongdae just smiled in an almost fond fashion, and his eyes flit to a point somewhere behind Kyungsoo's back - presumably to meet Baekhyun's - before he turned back to Kyungsoo and raised his brows and nodded faintly, but nonetheless encouragingly. The gesture wasn't meant for Chanyeol, it was meant for Kyungsoo. _Go ahead, if you want._ Did he want this? Oh yes. So much. Was this a life-changing moment he might regret a lot later on? Yes, definitely. But Jongdae allowed it, Baekhyun allowed it, and Chanyeol _wanted_ it. Kyungsoo trusted all of them and gradually went from resistance to leaning in, eyes lingering on the other's lips and finally closing the distance.

The kiss was warm, just a little moist and very much Chanyeol. His lips were exceptionally soft and pliant, like he'd just woken up. Warm, welcoming, forthcoming Chanyeol. It was dead silent now, the only sounds being the very faint ones their lips made as another hand found its way into Kyungsoo's hair, the angle easily betraying that it was Baekhyun, who had gotten up to stand behind him. Kyungsoo's composure cracked just that much more at the gesture. He wasn't controlling his movements or urging him on, but the touch was firm and made him feel like this was actually, really okay for Baekhyun. Kyungsoo experimentally nipped at Chanyeol's lips, who sighed into the kiss, reciprocating it lazily, but humming contently nonetheless. Kyungsoo's head was a mess, and the tug he felt on his insides was killing him, because this was such a horrible sign. But again, Chanyeol seemed blissfully ignorant and when the kiss had faded out to a series of short pecks, he withdrew his palm from Kyungsoo's neck and nuzzled his face into the crook of Kyungsoo's neck instead, mewling in protest until Kyungsoo sat in just the right distance for the position to be comfortable. Now Kyungsoo sat next to Chanyeol on their couch, facing a fond-looking Jongdae who still sat in Chanyeol's lap, and had a certain twinkle in his eye...

"That was a brave kiss. Who knows where his mouth was today."

...and hearing a nonchalant, crude-as-ever Baekhyun. Said reaper threw himself on the couch next to Kyungsoo, sounding much more awake and a little too interested in the current situation.

"Nowhere in particular, except my lips maybe," Jongdae replied breezily, actually grinning as he quickly turned his attention back to Kyungsoo.

"You know, Baek hates swallowing," he said completely casually, and Kyungsoo felt his already hot cheeks burn up just a little more. "He's one of _those_ guys."

Baekhyun was quick to protest, as he usually was.

"You don't even know any other guy besides me and Chanyeol. Swallowing is not the norm. Ask again after a week of eating nothing but pomegranates, and I'll _consider_ it. Not everyone can be as eager for it as you two."

Jongdae didn't seem perturbed in the slightest and just smiled.

"Whether you swallow saliva or cum is really not that big of a difference though-"

"I didn't swallow any cum, okay?" Chanyeol complained sleepily, refusing to open his eyes. "I swear I didn't, Soo."

Kyungsoo, who was at a complete loss at this point, just looked at Jongdae, like he usually did when confusion took over. The latter leaned in like he was about to share a secret fact, and really, Jongdae was so handsome like this, all playful and happy.

"He really didn't. But you might not wanna kiss me right now."

Baekhyun made a mock-disgusted sound next to him, but Kyungsoo didn't even have that in him. He was just dazed after what had just happened, and he was torn between wanting to roll up in the soft blanket of warmth he was feeling, and analyzing the possible consequences.

"I think he's out. Told you Yeol's the worst kisser," Baekhyun said easily, reaching around to touch Kyungsoo's neck, just below the hairline. He twitched in surprise, and got an immediate side look from Baekhyun asking ' _is this alright_ ?', to which Kyungsoo leaned in distractedly. With one reaper dozing away on his shoulder, the other making himself comfy against Chanyeol's chest and the last one absently toying with the short hair on his neck, Kyungsoo was tempted to just doze off himself. But there was one question that couldn't _not_ crawl over his heavy tongue.

"Is this really alright with you?"

Baekhyun's fingers ceased their movement to curl around the back of his neck, not unlike Chanyeol had done earlier. The gesture was the same, but the feeling was very different indeed. Jongdae moved just enough to free a hand and seek out Kyungsoo's.

"Anything that's alright with you, is alright with us as well," he said evenly, surely, and it sounded like such a wonderful offer that exhausted Kyungsoo didn't want anything but believe him, indulge himself in a dream that seemed too good to just come true. For now, he'd just let himself fall and _believe_.

 

That night, he did not sleep in their bed. Baekhyun insisted that their space was already cramped and too small for four people, and before anyone could come up with a smart reply, he had tugged Kyungsoo along, announcing that they'd leave the two fucked out and icky boys to cuddle on their own. That's how Kyungsoo spent the night facing Baekhyun in the dim light of the streetlamps, no more than two hand widths of space between them under their shared blanket. In a low voice, they talked. It was mostly mundane tales from the relationship the three had led prior to finding Kyungsoo. He tried really hard to listen attentively and not let his thoughts wander elsewhere, to the previous events. Or to Baekhyun's lips. At some point, the other cut himself off in the middle of a sentence, and without a warning he leaned in to kiss Kyungsoo.

He had assumed that kissing Baekhyun would be all teeth and rough treatment, but it turned out to be nothing like that. Instead he got slowly lost in a string of light kisses, all lingering and intimate, with Baekhyun often drawing away just enough to break contact, before diving back in again. It felt like he was going easy on him, or maybe this was his way of familiarizing himself with Kyungsoo. His skin was burning up where Baekhyun's slim fingers touched him over the fabric. Everything was drawn out to a point that his excitement was neither allowed to die down nor to grow any further, and Kyungsoo got the vague feeling that Baekhyun might be a terrible, terrible tease should the opportunity ever present itself. On the bright side, their makeout session left Kyungsoo so exhausted that he managed to fall asleep, despite the other's proximity and what it meant.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Did these events change anything? Well, the first answer would be an obvious yes, but in an odd way, Kyungsoo felt like it was a surprisingly small change. He still lived with the other three, spent his day with any of them at work or just stayed back home if anyone was free. There was almost no change in how they acted around him, which really made him realize just _how_ close they had been already. The option of skinship was always on the table, though none of the three seemed in a particular hurry to get Kyungsoo out of his clothes. In fact, Jongdae even took a purposefully long time to organize another bed to push against theirs to broaden the space. Kyungsoo appreciated the leisure, since while there was not an ounce of hesitation in him, this was a very overwhelming situation and taking it slow seemed like a good idea.  
The one who approached him the most would be Chanyeol, who seemed quite eager to touch him, now that he was certain he was allowed to. Kyungsoo didn't mind the overgrown puppy clinging to him at home, didn't mind the lazy kisses trailing up his neck when they were watching TV. This was so obviously new and exciting to both of them that he wasn't concerned about maybe getting annoyed in the future. Then there was Jongdae, who had a lot of respect for his boundaries, but when he _did_ approach him with an unwavering gaze and fingers caressing his sides, Kyungsoo felt almost dizzy from how strongly his body reacted to the intimate gestures.  
  
Baekhyun was the least touchy one, surprisingly. He was as unpredictable as a flickering candle flame - there could be days on end where he treated Kyungsoo like he'd treat a platonic friend, and then he'd suddenly smack his butt or leave quick, random pecks on Kyungsoo's cheek or the back of his neck when he thought no one was looking. Kyungsoo wasn't sure whether Baekhyun was all bark and no bite, or whether he just valued intimacy much more than he let on. But when had he ever really understood Baekhyun? The other should be the most relatable to him, with him being formerly human, but that really wasn't the case - and it was never more apparent than on misty days.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The fog was so thick that skyscrapers became nothing but vague shapes at the horizon, and the colors of the sky - pale blue and the faintest tint of rose, signs of the approaching sunrise - smudged together with yellowish streetlights and red streetlamps in the distance. It was silent, except for an occasionally lonely car of someone living outside society's recommended timetable.

Baekhyun was silent. Not just more quiet and snarky or outwardly bitter. He hadn't said a single word to Kyungsoo since they'd left their apartment. That was a lot of brooding, even for Baekhyun, and while Kyungsoo didn't mind silence, this one was stifling and worrisome. He remembered the story about a boy stepping through the mist and in front of a train, but what exactly was going on inside his head now?

Kyungsoo vaguely realized just how little he knew about Baekhyun, about all three of them, really. But with Chanyeol and Jongdae it seemed like he had an eternity to get to know them, while Baekhyun sometimes demanded, and probably _needed_ to be understood. It would come without warning, and maybe ebb down as quickly afterwards - right now though, Kyungsoo felt helpless and inadequate. He wished one of the others were there. They always knew what to say to Baekhyun.

"How long?" Kyungsoo finally asked, and Baekhyun just shrugged. Okay then. No talking. Baekhyun would probably be there on time, anyway. He usually was, probably especially since he had to _search_ for his souls more often than not - even when the humans assigned to him didn’t seek their death on the tracks, they were likely to drown themselves in rivers or step off the roofs of tall buildings.  
It was silent, except for the faint white noise a city created even when asleep. Baekhyun took a sudden, sharp turn that had Kyungsoo almost bumping into him, but he didn't complain. Baekhyun already liked to be difficult when he was in a good mood, and he knew a losing battle when he saw it.

They walked down a narrow alleyway, and two sharp turns later, Kyungsoo saw them. The tracks, glistening almost tauntingly from the moist air. He cursed internally - did it have to be tracks, on a day like this? Not a bridge, not a roof, not an accident - or maybe it would be an accident, there was no telling yet.

A red light started blinking, and Baekhyun came to an abrupt halt. Kyungsoo caught up and looked around him. There was a lonely person standing on the other side of the tracks, almost drowning in the fog, but clearly staring at the metal as a distant rumbling sound grew louder. The red light kept blinking, but only one of the barriers moved down - it was not the one on front of the young woman. She looked at the dim lights that were growing fast, with an unreadable, empty gaze. A malfunction of the barriers. _Please_ , Kyungsoo thought, despite knowing better. _It's not a sign, please_ -

The lights rushed into his vision and Kyungsoo looked down, squeezed his eyes close and pressed his fingers against the shell of his ears to block out the nasty, nasty sound.

As usual, he counted to ten in his head before opening his eyes and seeking out Baekhyun's back. Not looking for the bloody remains, not minding the honks and squeaking brakes of the train. He just followed Baekhyun, as he usually did. The other walked down the tracks for a few, torturously long steps, before he came to a halt and Kyungsoo had to look. There was a lot of blood, but at first glance no discernible body parts, for which he was endlessly thankful. At the side of the track sat the woman, in a puddle of her own blood, looking wide-eyed, kind of terrified and confused. A normal reaction.

What wasn't normal though, was the way Baekhyun stopped in front of her, not even bothering to get on eye level as he crossed his arms.

"Congrats, you fucked up."

His voice was so cold that even Kyungsoo flinched a bit, not to mention the shivering mess that was the woman.

"W-why?" she asked, mind probably unable to catch up with her current situation. Baekhyun huffed, and managed to sound sarcastic while doing so.

"If the barrier had gone down, you wouldn't have done it, right? That means you _fucked up_ and the world is probably better off without you, anyway."

Kyungsoo could only stare as Baekhyun finally leaned down to get a hold of the glowing string around her neck, and his voice got sickeningly sweet.

"Good. Riddance."

"Baek!" Kyungsoo snapped angrily, but the girl was already vanishing, her big, watery eyes already burnt into Kyungsoo's mind. The reaper whipped around, challenge and anger twinkling in his eyes.

" _What_?"

"What, 'what'? You can't say that, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Kyungsoo asked in a mix of shock and anger. "This is low, even for you!"

This apparently only added fuel to the fire that had been burning Baekhyun down all day, and his voice got a little higher, vibrating with provocation as he leaned towards Kyungsoo.

"Oh yeah? News flash - it's the fucking truth! The world doesn't fucking care and the girl regretted her death the second the train hit her!"

"And you think that's funny? You think _you_ have the right to make her feel bad?!"

Kyungsoo bit his lip the second the words had slipped. He meant it to sound like no one had a right to, not like Baekhyun, specifically, hadn't. The other didn't look hurt though, didn't even notice the border Kyungsoo had overstepped - not when Baekhyun himself was bursting out of his borders so viciously right now.

"Actually _yes_ , you got a problem with that?! Seeing people just half-assedly killing themselves pisses me off! It's fucking easy - you wanna live or you wanna die, and it's not hard to tell that apart!"

"Well, apparently it is," Kyungsoo bit back, finally taking the bait, because this was not right, "or else you wouldn't be here right now-"

" _I_ **_wanted_ ** _to die_!" Baekhyun yelled, loud and raw, dropping all pretenses, and Kyungsoo flinched back, shell-shocked. Baekhyun looked smaller like, this, more vulnerable and more threatening at the same time, breathing heavily with his hands balled into fists.

"I wanted to die!" he repeated, a little weaker, and as if noticing his own opening, he took a step towards Kyungsoo, who instinctively backed away. "I'm not like those kids who aren't fit to live in this world and who care about numbers on papers more than their life, and I'm not like those adults who fucked up and are scared of facing the consequences!"

The words ' _Then what_ ' were stuck in Kyungsoo's throat, but he didn't need to voice them.

"I was just. I _had_ to die, don't you get it? Everything about me was made to die young, it was just a matter of time - and now I'm still stuck here- fuck!"

Baekhyun whipped around, away from Kyungsoo, both hands flying up to his head as if to keep his mind together.

"I'm still here. You may feel all recovered but for me, nothing changed! Which is just proof that all of this has been part of my goddamn nature all along-"

Kyungsoo took a step towards him, but didn't dare reach out - he saw the light tremble running through his arms and down to the fingertips buried in silver hair.

"The me that stepped in front of a train, with all the drugs and alcohol in my blood, that was the _real_ me, it's always been-"

Just as Kyungsoo did gather his courage to reach out, Baekhyun ducked away unknowingly, crouching on the ground. He sucked in a deep, choked breath, and in it Kyungsoo could hear the tears welling up.

"I just really wanna die, Kyungsoo, why don't you get it?" he pressed out, and Kyungsoo froze.

"Why can't I? I wanted to live fast, faster, burn high and burn down quickly. I never wanted to grow old. I don't want longterm pain, I don't wanna be damaged and broken and wither away, forever stuck fighting old battles - drawing out a useless existence! I should get a choice in this, why the fuck don't I?"

Baekhyun was clearly talking to himself at this point, and Kyungsoo was scared of how to approach him.

"Just end it while it lasts," Baekhyun mumbled frantically, "Why is this a fucking luxury I can't have?"

Without warning, he jumped to his feet and towards the street, as if instinct brutally tugged him towards the lonely car zooming over the asphalt. Kyungsoo reacted quickly, hand reaching out to grab Baekhyun's lower arm and tugging with all his might. The momentum made both Baekhyun and him tumble to the ground, where they landed on the sidewalk with a groan of pain.

"Let go!" Baekhyun hissed, struggling from Kyungsoo's iron grip on his arms. He had enough force to make Kyungsoo lose his balance, and they were both tangled together sideways, skin chafing against stone.

"Reapers don't die, right? I bet even if I got hit by a fucking train I'd magically recover, because fate likes to fucking spite me!"

Kyungsoo wasn't thinking anymore at this point, he just knew that he mustn't let go, and when he'd got the other's arms under control, he gracelessly threw a leg over Baekhyun's, trying to keep him still somehow.

"Baek! Get your shit together and stop!" he yelled just as he was gaining a fraction of control, and Baekhyun looked at him with angrily shimmering orbs, tears already gathering at the corners of his eyes.

"I get that this is fucking tough, but there are some battles that can't be picked up if you only give up **once** !" Kyungsoo yelled, willing, no, _praying_ to reach him. "You made it this far now, didn't you? Do you really still want to die? You wanna move on to an afterlife and leave behind what you have here? Who you have here?"

"I'm a ticking time bomb!" Baekhyun barked back, pupils small and voice desperate, and Kyungsoo only pinned him down more decisively, as he tried to enunciate as clearly as he could.

"But that did not answer my question, Baekhyun. You asked Yeol that yourself - are you ready to leave _everything_ that you have right now behind? Do you want that?"

Before he could react, Baekhyun's hand had blindly flailed up to scratch him, to push Kyungsoo away, but instead of getting up and running away at the first chance, he only curled in on himself, letting out a suppressed sob as he hid his face with his arms. Then he screamed, muffled and choked, repressed frustration getting the better of him, hands ruffling his hair violently. Kyungsoo placed a palm on his upper arm, breathing harshly himself, and while the touch broke contact when Baekhyun tumbled to his feet soon after, he hadn't slapped his hand away. Kyungsoo followed him warily, followed as the reaper turned to walk away without a word. Baekhyun didn't complain, didn't yell at him, and stayed clear of the tracks and streets. With broad, determined steps he walked ahead, until their apartment complex came in sight. Kyungsoo sighed internally. This was good. He'd just wanted to go home.

Baekhyun aggressively hit the elevator buttons several times before giving up and taking the stairs, two at once. Kyungsoo had a hard time keeping up, but his body should be able to, that's what he told himself. When he finally stood in the doorway, Baekhyun had already crossed the apartment and instead of aiming for their bedroom, he'd stepped into the living room and was recklessly tugging Chanyeol out of it, who looked startled. Behind him, Jongdae had gotten up and looked worried. Unlike Kyungsoo, he didn't flinch when Baekhyun ripped the other around and slammed him against the wall to force him into what looked like a bruising kiss. Old clock faces fell of the shelves with a clattering sound and Chanyeol made a choked, confused sound, hands instinctively gripping Baekhyun's upper arms in defense.

Baekhyun seemed unhappy with his reaction and broke away to tug him into their bedroom instead, where he all but threw Chanyeol on the bed, despite the height difference. Kyungsoo took an uncertain step towards the room, wide eyes flitting between Jongdae and the tangled limbs on the bed. Should they help, separate them maybe? But Jongdae's attention wandered from the two reapers to him, and he approached him with a small shake of his head. Chanyeol hissed in pain when Baekhyun buried his face in his neck, presumably biting him, but when he moved his hands to settle on the slim waist, Baekhyun resisted, pinning them to the bed in what seemed to be a painful way.

"B-but," he whispered to Jongdae, who had slung an arm around him, and only dismissed his worries. He didn't look scared at all, only dejected and sad. When he gently tugged at Kyungsoo, the spooked guy relented, only to freeze in place when he heard a particular yelp of pain and his gaze flitted towards the scene just in time to catch a glimpse of Chanyeol's face. How scrunched up features morphed into a defiant expression, and how he reversed their positions without warning, displaying the strength Kyungsoo so often forgot he had. Baekhyun gasped, immediately clawing at his back, and then he only saw walls and shelves as Jongdae was insistently leading him away from the scene. He made Kyungsoo sit on the couch, and went off to silently close the door - cutting off a sharp moan that shot down right between his legs, despite the overall situation - and Kyungsoo squirmed. Jongdae returned with two cups of tea later, and Kyungsoo stared into the steamy swirls, inhaling the heady, fruity scent as he tried to ignore the noises coming from the bedroom.

"Would you prefer we get out for the time being?" Jongdae asked, voice smoothened by the hot liquid, but Kyungsoo couldn't ignore the mixed feelings in his eyes, so he shook his head. Kyungsoo wasn’t that selfish - Jongdae looked tired and sad, and not like he wanted to leave his home right now.

"Did this happen before?" he quietly asked instead, leaning into Jongdae's side to display his will to comfort. Jongdae took a small sip, that seemed to help paint a weak smile on his face.

"A couple times," he replied. "Sometimes, Baek really needs this. He'll push and provoke Chanyeol until it ends up like this - it helps him, though I couldn't understand the _why_ if I tried."

Kyungsoo felt like he might understand a bit of it. Baekhyun was always driven by anger and bitterness, and he'd navigated himself into a dead end - there was neither back nor forth, and no outlet for his feelings. He probably knew what his mind was doing to him, knew that it was a phase, and having someone really push him around, take control and make him stop thinking and _fighting_ for just a moment... yes, Kyungsoo could understand the appeal in theory. Maybe because he, too, was human. Maybe that's why it was such a mystery to Jongdae - but no, it was probably because Jongdae was so very different from Baekhyun, with his mild manners and resolved attitude. Jongdae, who just wanted everyone to be happy and went to great lengths to ensure that. Jongdae, who placed the cup down with a soft click so he could comfortably lean against Kyungsoo, too.

"As you can see, I'm of no use to both of them," he whispered, closed his eyes and exhaled barely audibly.

Jongdae, who was always worrying, who was a silent fighter and who trusted Kyungsoo enough to voice out his concerns.

"That's not true," Kyungsoo argued, placing a tentative, but at least warm hand on his thigh. Jongdae only shook his head ever so slightly.

"But it is. I'm useless when it comes to the big concerns. The grand scheme. And what are daily little struggles against that?"

It seemed ridiculous to Kyungsoo that the other would even consider that, much less genuinely believe it.

"When it comes down to it... Chanyeol suffers, Baekhyun suffers, and I just can't do anything to make it better."

"You suffer, too," Kyungsoo said before he knew it. Jongdae stilled at that.

"That's not the-"

"It's exactly the same," Kyungsoo said firmly, thinking of Jongdae trying to make a difference day after day, despite getting no results at all.

"I failed Chanyeol even though I'm surrounded by depression every day," Jongdae said, trying to make him understand, "I should have seen the signs - fuck, my partner was considering to end his existence and I didn’t even know. And I never managed to reach Baekhyun. Not when he was still alive and not now."  
  
_'You accompanied him before his death?'_ Kyungsoo wanted to ask, but this was not the time, so he chose a different approach.

"If Chanyeol - or Baekhyun - couldn’t help you save a person from committing suicide, would you hold a grudge against them?"

Jongdae just sighed, but Kyungsoo was quicker.

"No, it really is the same. Don't be so rough on yourself. Even if you did screw up in the past - so what?"

Jongdae hummed, trying to give the illusion that he was feeling much better already. With a small sigh, Kyungsoo placed down his own tea cup to fully face him.

"Jongdae. Without you, I wouldn't be in the position I am now. And I'm not talking about my death, I'm talking about being a part of what you guys have. You welcomed me with open arms and nudged me into the right directions, don't think I didn't notice that. You're tying everyone together without forcing them to. You contribute something and everyone sees that."

Kyungsoo got to his feet, but didn't go anywhere. Jongdae might be good at voicing out genuine thoughts without shame, but Kyungsoo was equally good at that when the situation was serious and required it. He leaned towards Jongdae, one palm resting around his neck and the other in his hair as he carefully leaned his forehead against Jongdae's.

"Today, too, you did a great job. Let's go get some rest."

Jongdae stared at him in disbelief with a shimmer of hope, as if he was finally considering believing himself.

"Thanks," he croaked, and broke eye contact, blinking repeatedly. Kyungsoo pretended not to notice the discreet way Jongdae rubbed the corners of his eyes - he and Chanyeol really were similar. He gently tugged Kyungsoo to the guest room, where they eventually crawled under the covers in nothing but their underwear, enjoying each other's body heat.

"Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo hummed in question, reveling in Jongdae's heated skin against his upper body.

"Do you think Chanyeol will get more and more sad if we continue to live like humans?"

He was genuinely flattered Jongdae would ask him such a question, since it seemed like a fundamental one. Jongdae only waited a second before pressing closer. "Do you think _I_ will grow more and more sad if I stick to them so closely? Maybe it would be better if we... stopped."

Those were difficult questions though, and Kyungsoo said as much.

"I don't know, can you just... _stop_?" he then asked carefully.

Jongdae chuckled at this, and it was bittersweet, but at least he was slowly reverting back to normal.

"I guess not. Living like a human is just so interesting and fun. Maybe we'd be terribly bored if we distanced ourselves too much from it."

"Maybe humans and reapers are similar at heart," Kyungsoo hummed, and Jongdae pecked his temple in reply.

"Soo?"

He hummed again, and Jongdae leaned in close enough to whisper in his ear, allowing a wave of goosebumps to wash down the back of his neck.

"Thanks for being so good to us."

The words left a faint echo as Kyungsoo eventually fell asleep, the unspoken answer _Thanks for letting me_ bouncing around his head.

 

 

Kyungsoo awoke to the weight in front of him shifting, and then warm lips were attached to his neck, the insistent touch wandering down his neck and drawing a sleepy and confused half-hum, half-moan out of him. This was definitely new and not something Jongdae usually did, but Kyungsoo wasn't complaining. He leaned into the touch, craning his neck to allow access, and then he felt a tongue darting over his skin, followed by a rush of cold air. Confused, he blinked his eyes open to be face to face with Baekhyun, instead of Jongdae. The resulting reaction was so violent, he almost fell out of bed.

"Well, gee. I feel so loved right now," Baekhyun joked drily, an arm looped around Kyungsoo's waist to keep him close (and on the bed).

"You just licked me, you have no right to complain," Kyungsoo mumbled back, still trying to gather his wits. Baekhyun had the nerve to chuckle, and it was as if last night’s events had never taken place. Golden light flooded the room, so he guessed it was around dawn - funny, how easy it was to defy a natural sleep cycle now.

"Jongdae had to leave earlier, and I thought I'd come and wake you for a snack - if Chanyeol gets anything done, that is."

Kyungsoo yawned and stretched out his limbs, careful not to shrug Baekhyun off.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, rubbing the tiny tears out of the corners of his sleep-ridden eyes. Baekhyun huffed with a bitter smile.

"Yeah. All good. Look, I just wanted to tell you- I mean, I wanted to apologize first. I said a lot of shit and- you probably didn't know what hit you. Sorry."

"Oh, I do - _you_ hit me," Kyungsoo said jokingly, though it was hard to keep up a facade when he was still sleepy. "For real though. It's okay. I'll be better prepared next time. Not that I wish for this to happen again, but yeah. Can't help it."

Baekhyun seemed relieved at how easily Kyungsoo took this. Come to think of it, he'd probably dumped his apology on half-asleep him on purpose - like a child trying to get away with risky statements when the adults were too sleepy to question them. Because for the first time ever, Baekhyun was _squirming_ , and finding it hard to keep eye contact.

"I just wanted to tell you that should it happen again, you can, uhm. Like Chanyeol, you can just. Treat me like that."

Kyungsoo stared at him, sleepiness slowly fading as Baekhyun exhaled deeply, happy to have gotten this weight off his chest.

"Yeah. It's okay. I mean-" he cut himself off, wariness returning as he realized how demanding that sounded, "if it's okay with you. No pressure. I'm just telling you that I wouldn't mind. Get back at me for being a bitch and stuff."

Kyungsoo tried to picture it, tried to picture himself pushing Baekhyun around, distracting him by pulling the sounds and reactions out of his body by force. And hesitated.

"But... how will I know whether I'm overstepping a line?" he asked quietly. At this, a glimpse of the Baekhyun he'd grown fond of was shimmering through his tiny smirk.

"Believe me, I'd complain if something bothered me. And did you hear any protests this morning?"

He'd seen Baekhyun flail and push and scratch, but no, not a peep of complaint had left his lips, so he shook his head ever so slightly. Baekhyun grinned, finally back to his comfortable self as he pinched Kyungsoo's side.

"See? And no offense, but I don't know whether you can rough me up like Yeol, not that you can't try-"

"Your cheap provocation won't work on me!" Kyungsoo snapped as he wriggled himself out of his grasp even though he, too, was smiling a bit. He nonchalantly rolled over Baekhyun to get up before the reaper could, when he thought of something.

"Say, why do you never turn to Jongdae for this?" he asked, looking down at Baekhyun, who wore a surprised expression.

"Huh? No reason? It's not like I do this on the regular," he stated with a shrug, stumbling a little over his words. "Maybe I don't wanna burden Jongdae? He's just. He-”  
His voice dropped to a whisper, and Kyungsoo almost didn’t hear it.  
“He already saved me.”  
When he didn’t react immediately, Baekhyun rolled to his side and spoke up, just loud enough to give his voice the familiar, ombre color.  
“I know it. Whatever he told me while I was alive… I know it’s thanks to him that I’m here. He’s done enough.”

Kyungsoo hummed thoughtfully while Baekhyun awaited his judgement, making no attempts to actually get up.

"You should always consider him an option though. I'm pretty sure he'll be able to keep up with a bitey little pup like you."

Baekhyun retaliated by faking out a bite aimed at Kyungsoo's hand. Kyungsoo ruffled his hair regardless, just to annoy him, and things were good between them.

 

That evening, Kyungsoo accompanied Chanyeol on his nightly shift, hoping to give Baekhyun and Jongdae some time on their own and maybe talk a bit (or do more than that, whatever made them happy). Chanyeol seemed cheerful enough, despite the few obvious bruises littering his collarbones - Kyungsoo could hardly deny his eyes wandered towards them whenever the other's woolen sweater slipped and revealed glimpses. It was a busy night, with them gently fetching an elderly lady in the early evening hours, who was all peaceful smiles. After that, they moved to a different district, to greet a middle-aged man who hung himself in his bankrupt store. Kyungsoo didn't feel ready to face this man, but Chanyeol didn't ask him to, and just talked to him without judgement, soothing his soul enough before sending it on.

They took their time finding the next person, whose clock stopped ticking just around dawn. Kyungsoo thought that it was getting... easier. Not prettier, by any means, but easier to look them in the eyes and maybe even say a word or two to them. The last man shot himself, and it was a mess that Kyungsoo still didn't like to look at, and the person could very well be a terrible person who'd earned a lot of hate in his life - but death treats everyone the same, and in Chanyeol's case, it would be with a wide smile.

Kyungsoo still relaxed visibly when they finally left the apartment and the air didn't taste metallic anymore.

"How do you manage to stay so positive all the time?" he asked for the third time since he'd met Chanyeol, and for the third time, the reaper shrugged.

"There's no use being anything but nice. Their life is already over - and it's not my place to judge them as I’ve never even lived in their world. They'll move on to whatever they deserve, and I want to maintain a clear conscience and never treat someone unfairly who might have not deserved it."

"That sounds so noble," Kyungsoo stated, and Chanyeol laughed.

"You think I'm a hypocrite?"

Kyungsoo glanced up at the reaper.

"I don't, and that's what's so concerning."

Chanyeol smiled until it infected Kyungsoo, and then he took the shorter's hand. It was nice, to be liked by Chanyeol - it made him feel good and warm, and maybe what Jongdae had said back then was true, about Chanyeol making you feel like a better person. Maybe that was a selfish feeling, but as long as he felt the need to give back as much, Kyungsoo figured it was alright to be a bit selfish, as he squeezed the more calloused fingers.

"Is there another one ticking?" he asked evenly, as they walked down the empty streets. There was no fog covering the horizon today - a clean, crisp morning with golden sun rays reflecting off every polished surface. Chanyeol hummed and took out his watch.

"Yes, but they're only due in around six hours. Wanna go home for a bit?"

Home. What a nice term.

They stopped by a grocery store and a nice patisserie on the way - Kyungsoo used to have trouble taking things the way Chanyeol did - the other would just help himself upon food (or any object, really), and Kyungsoo couldn't understand how a cake could exist in the human world and also in theirs. Did he make a copy? Did the cake exist twice? But Chanyeol told him that there was no thinking involved and that it happened naturally, throwing in a vague explanation of different dimensions. He kept it vague to assure Kyungsoo that the only thing stopping him from tugging a 'copy' of an object into his dimension... was that Kyungsoo felt like he couldn't, like it was thievery and not his place.

All that happened awhile ago though, and at this point, even Kyungsoo managed to tentatively add a few items he was convinced the others had to try. It was like he was becoming an actual part of their world with every passing day.

When they returned home, Baekhyun was just leaving and it was just the two of them taking a nap after a long night, legs entangled on the shared bed in the bedroom. Kyungsoo had yet to sleep in the same bed with all three of them, since they were rarely all home at the same time - it was alright though. There was always someone around, and he didn't feel lonely. It was a stark difference from the time before his death, where everyone was available, but Kyungsoo refused to be around them.

Now he was feeling safe and content, and didn't think all that much into it when they walked down the streets a little later, walking past familiar buildings and stores. Chanyeol noticed it first.

"Huh. Isn't this the school Jongdae has been visiting recently?" he asked with scrunched up brows, eyes flitting from his watch to the building ahead. Kyungsoo looked up, too. He was right.

"Is that strange?" he asked obliviously. Chanyeol shrugged.

"Not too strange. Sometimes, Jongdae tends to another student and the time span between the deaths is too short, so we cover for him-"

"Yeol? Kyungsoo?"

They turned to see Baekhyun walking up to them from a side street, his expression was quickly turning to a confused frown. For a couple seconds, the two reapers stared at each other, eyes flitting to their respective watches. Chanyeol reacted first, eyes growing wide before he whirled around without warning and set off towards the school. Kyungsoo didn't get it, but felt fear bubble up regardless.

"What is it?" he asked, hiding how unsettled he was, and his next question was cut off when Baekhyun tugged him along by his wrist, to follow after him. For once, all the playfulness or bitterness was gone, and that concerned him almost more than Chanyeol's flighty behaviour. Right now, Baekhyun just looked serious and troubled, his eyes constantly flitting down to his watch as if it acted as a compass - which it probably did.

"My clock is ticking, too," he muttered as he ripped Kyungsoo around to walk through a gate and cross the yard, hurrying towards the building's entry. It was packed with students spending their break, but they walked through them without wasting a thought on it.

"If Yeol's clock is ticking and leading to Dae's territory, and mine is ticking, too, that can only mean one thing."

They skidded into the entrance foyer just as the first shot ripped through the air, followed by chaotic, shrill screams. A movement went through every body, hurrying to get away, and there stood Jongdae, right in the center, only a couple steps away from the source, staring into the barrel of a gun-

A second shot resounded and Kyungsoo felt his heart stopping for the second time in his existence, felt all the noise being blocked out. All of them froze in place, except for Jongdae, who very slowly turned his head to see a body crumpled on the floor. Kyungsoo looked, too, just long enough to identify the girl he had seen in the classroom, doodling illustrations and inventing superheroes. People were screaming and fleeing, and the attacker was yelling, wielding his weapon, but all Kyungsoo saw was the destroyed expression on Jongdae, as the realization crashed over him - the girl wouldn't have killed herself. She had wanted to live.

Shots were fired and Chanyeol tugged the trembling reaper around and against his chest, firmly placing both palms over his ears. Kyungsoo didn't know what to do, how to react - there wasn't anything he _could_ do, and despite being in a different reality, he was scared and reached for Baekhyun's hand, his arm, anything. Baekhyun, who stood there steadily, watching the scene with a blank expression, but not denying Kyungsoo, who pressed close on instinct, wide eyes darting around the hall. Grazing Chanyeol's helpless, shaken expression, wandering from yelling teachers to blood splattered across shiny tiles - and then he heard it. The ticking.

It was loud, mighty and echoing, like it was lying on top of all the screams and noises, like it was part of a heavily-moving clockwork.

 _Tick_. Another shot hit someone's leg, the hall was deserted except for two brave adults and the student wearing the manic expression.

 _Tock_. A soul appeared by the exit, a young boy looking at his own corpse in disbelief. Baekhyun just stared at the attacker, Jongdae trembled with his cries being drowned out, and Chanyeol buried his nose in his hair, holding him close.

 _Tick_. The boy with the weapon heaved for air, sounded like he might run out of it any second. Then, without warning, he lifted the gun to his own temple.

 _Tock_.

Kyungsoo heard the echo over the shot, and then it was silent.

 

For a moment, it was dead silent in the foyer, with 4 lifeless bodies on the floor and one moving one. People started to talk and yell, to hurry for the injured and dead ones, but Kyungsoo didn't hear a thing. None of the reapers moved. Jongdae was breathing heavily, soundlessly sobbing and Chanyeol wasn't willing to let go of him.

The first one to move was Baekhyun. Slowly, he crossed the hall, his steps echoing unnaturally. He stopped in front of the girl who was frantically sucking in air, trembling fingers digging into her own thighs, eyes trained on the blood seeping out of her body. He ran a hand through her hair, slow and gentle, causing her to snap away from the sight and look at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun's hand slid down the side of her face, fleetingly caressing her cheek because severing the glowing string around her neck with a simple, but determined move. He moved on to a young boy lying near the exit, all huddled together on the floor, refusing to look at anyone as he cried. Baekhyun placed a hand on his shoulder, the touch gentler than his unreadable gaze.

Kyungsoo saw him moving out of the corner of his vision, the only reaper who was able to fulfill his duty. His eyes, however, were trained on the bloody mess across the hall, where a soul was beginning to appear. The ticking had stopped, and the attacker was dead.

Kyungsoo moved like he was in a trance, set one foot in front of the other. Past Chanyeol and Jongdae, through the people in his way and towards the spot where a soul had manifested. It was unlike anything he'd ever seen. The soul was... flickery, both in a sense of time and presence. Unstable. Damaged.

Kyungsoo stopped right before him, prompting the remains of the human to look at him. In this very second, Kyungsoo felt no anger. No grudge, no hate, nothing. Just like how there was nothing in the other's unblinking eyes.

He vaguely heard Baekhyun telling him to stay away, but his hand moved forwards already. Towards the weakly glowing string that was looped around his neck multiple times. _Your time is up_ , Kyungsoo thought, eyes flitting from the soul's and down to the string. _May your soul be cleansed_.

The string prickled and burnt, but Kyungsoo concentrated and pushed the pads of his fingers together, slowly squashing the buzzing, protesting string. For a split second, a reaction flickered over the soul's sickly-looking face, but it vanished before there was any telling what he had felt.

It was only Kyungsoo now, absently looking at the pads of his fingers, rubbing them together to feel his own skin.

"Kyungsoo, you- you did it," Chanyeol breathed out, sounding less awed and more shocked. Slowly, the world around him filtered back into his attention, and then there was Baekhyun kneeling on the floor next to him, taking something just as people carried the corpse away. He got to his feet and offered it to Kyungsoo. A digital wrist watch, made of cheap plastic. Kyungsoo took it gingerly, already knowing what to expect. It was frozen at twelve o'clock.

For a long time, he just stared at it. Inhaled. Exhaled. Then he calmly reached out to click the reset button. Baekhyun's slim fingers came out of nowhere, warmly covering his, to minimize his tremble to something only they felt. It clicked, and then showed the unrealistic number 48:59. It counted down, unlike the reaper's stop watches.

A hand on his shoulder made him flinch, called him back to his reality, and a look told him that it was Chanyeol, with Jongdae tugged into his side, eyes swollen and red from crying.

"Good job," Chanyeol said quietly, giving him a heavy look before regarding Baekhyun.

"You too. "

"Let's go home," Jongdae whispered, hint of a voice cracking mid-way. The focus of both Kyungsoo and Baekhyun shifted immediately, and they both claimed one of Jongdae's sides to lead him out - Baekhyun interlinked their arms, Kyungsoo took his hand. And his other hand he held out after awhile, looking at Chanyeol expectantly. The other looked surprised for a second, before interlacing their fingers without hesitation, squeezing his hand gratefully.

 

That night was the first time Kyungsoo slept in a bed with all three of them, holding on to them almost childishly. He felt heavy, full of positive and negative feelings, of ideas, drive, exhaustion and completion. He was alive again, with all the blessings and burdens it brought. And this time, he thought the fight was worth it.

  
  


* * *

 

 

"We're home!"

"I hope you brought food, because I'm starving!" came the quick reply from the living room, and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. Next to him, Chanyeol just laughed as he slipped out of his shoes.

"You can't even starve, Baek. Have you still not eaten anything?"

Because Kyungsoo and Chanyeol had - they'd spend the evening observing street musicians, trying to copy them, secretly practicing so they could give the other two a performance one day. And as it was, the street food was amazing, and hard to resist. Not that there was such a thing as too much food for them. _Being a reaper did have its perks_ , Kyungsoo thought.

"I think he was waiting for you, like the cute soul he is," Jongdae quipped from his end of the couch, where he was reading a book. A thriller. Baekhyun threw his head over the armrest to be dramatic and get an upside down view of his two lovers.

"One nice action and it'll haunt me forever," he complained lightly. It was a bit of a deja-vú, seeing the two huddled on the couch like this. Only this time, Kyungsoo sat down on the plush carpet and leaned into Jongdae without hesitation (who immediately placed a palm on his shoulder), while Chanyeol wrestled for room with Baekhyun.

"I was here first, why can't you guys ever let me live?" he protested in between insistent tickling, "I get nothing but rejection today!"

"He's even more dramatic than usual," Kyungsoo noted drily, and Jongdae chuckled, the book now placed on his stomach. "He's making a fuss cause I didn't want him to top me today."

Kyungsoo ignored the tingle of embarrassment and warmth rising up to his cheeks, which was easy with Baekhyun being so loud.

"You never want me to! It's not fair!" he yelled, but it came out muffled with Chanyeol covering all of him, still attempting to tickle him.

"Because you get so terribly _smug_ about it! I only bottom for Yeol - your ego is already bloated enough!" Jongdae retorted with a finality that made Kyungsoo simultaneously grin and feel sorry for Baekhyun. Just a little.

"But maybe I deserve this kind of satisfaction, too? Come on, I can pull myself together, yanno?" Baekhyun all but whined. Jongdae was unimpressed.

"Not when your dick does your thinking, I don't think so."

"It's okay Baek," Chanyeol huffed out happily, leaning above the other to look down at him. "You can always top me."

The words were said so easily, so open and without shame that Kyungsoo wanted to coo. Sometimes, Chanyeol was too much.

"Why do I feel like I'm not even an option..." he muttered instead, and Baekhyun craned his neck to give him a lewd once over from an awkward angle.

"I mean, I'd be up for _that_ ," he hummed, and Kyungsoo broke eye contact.

"Never mind, I take it back."

"What? Whyyy-"

"I'm kidding," Kyungsoo said, crawling over to leave a quick, easy peck on Baekhyun's hand - the only unclothed spot that was not covered by Chanyeol. "Still, be nice on Jongdae."  
Baekhyun complained, Chanyeol attempted to cheer him up and Jongdae silently listened with a small smile, just to see Baekhyun try to get his will. Secretly, he loved it when Baekhyun forgot all the heavy thoughts and just turned _human_ for awhile. As far as Kyungsoo was concerned, it had always been like this - On their own, they were serious, sad and kinda lost. But not so when they were together. That was the main reason Kyungsoo had initially thought they wouldn't understand him. Because together, they always looked carefree and relaxed. Who would have thought that these burdened people could pull each other along so well?

And Kyungsoo?

He might not be as burdened as any of them, they were a pretty good team without him already, and there were a thousand things he still had to learn about them and himself, but... maybe he, too, could contribute something. He still had a lot of time to do his best and find out.

 

 


End file.
